TW⚠️ TRUE STORY also the teacher is actually bulgarian but i was told the russian maths teacher concept was fitting.
indian lover man was the first to become aware of his surroundings. the first thing he noticed was that hayden was no longer in his arms. the second thing being he was no longer on the sand but instead tied up to a tree.
"hayden!" he yelled. suddenly the ground rumbled and a flabby man with red paint covering his body ran over. indian lover man screamed and tinkled a little when the man towered over him. "(a+-B)2 h° a2 B+B!" "i don't speak mongolian!" he squeaked.
he heard a shuffling sound, as his curiosity heightened, he slowly opened his eyes. jungkook was being led up some random bamboo stairs. at the edge of the stairs was a giant fire pit at the bottom. indian lover man then realised the pedophilic raging communist teacher had been cloned to form a tribe.
"jungkook!" indian lover man yelled. the boy looked over and smiled, "hey! i'm a sacrifice!" indian lover man gasped, "that's not a good thing!" jungkook gasped and closed his eyes, putting his hands together. the tribe people were confused when suddenly jungkook swung out his left arm, chopping the russian maths teacher's neck, "that is for my kazoo named carlos who you rudely sacrificed first." indian lover man watched in awe as jungkook single handedly annihilated (no nicki minaj pun intended) the tribe men.
he cheered until jungkook was tackled by the nonce with an ownership, mum, degrading, piss & hair kink, "my lungs! senpai my lungs!" "the fuck did he just say-" there was a tap on indian lover man's shoulder. he turned around to see taehyung,
"out of all people, how did you survive?" "they said i was too ugly to be taken, so i was left behind at the beach." "you're literally the visual of our group how-" "aHem," seokjin interrupted.
indian lover man addressed him with a shocked look, "you're ugly too?" seokjin smacked him, "no, i just managed to escape. i was supposed to be wed to a tribal queen but then they picked hayden because he has a more 'aesthetic outlook' that fits with their theme and shit like that." "is their theme emo toilet voodoo?" "i wouldn't know but nor would i be surprised." "so they are speaking cantonese?" "we're literally in hawaii why would they be speaking cantonese?" "idk." "anyway, no, but back on the beach, namjoon and i learned fluent creepy tribe." "huh?" taehyung laughed, "he means the language these bozos speak. anyway i thought they were just saying random algebraic equations?" "there's a lot more to trigonometry than you know."
"where is namjoon?" indian lover man interrupted, not really thinking about the fact hayden is marrying a random person and was more or less bored at the current conversation. "he is at the beach sending out a distress signal. he gave the tribal dude a heart attack and was able to escape." "wait, so i wasn't the first to wake up?" "you were the last," taehyung laughed, "you're also the only one who peed himself."
"i did not!" he exclaimed, covering the wet patch on his trousers. namjoon walked to the trio and gave indian lover man a knowing look. seokjin hit all of them to pay attention, just in time to watch jungkook throw the flabby man over his shoulder and into the fire. jungkook swung his arms in turbine motions and let out a vicious, "REEEEEEEEEEEE."
"did jungkook just-" "yes, yes he did," taehyung finished. "uh guys," namjoon said nervously. "not now kyle," seokjin answered. namjoon then tapped on indian lover man's shoulder, "hey dude, you should see this." "i am trying to watch jungkook ninja chop tribe people! be quiet."
indian lover man, seokjin & taehyung all made eye contact. then with namjoon to confirm the suspicion. when he gave a nod, they slowly turned around. behind them were about 20 russian clone tribe people.
"run!" taehyung yelled, screaming and running as fast as he could. namjoon started running away in fear while beatboxing. indian lover man was a little behind, rapping to the screams of his friend, "yo, yo, yo," he started, "seokjin is running as fast as he can, they'll probably catch up because he is not the gingerbread man. jungkook is screaming and we are leaving. my hayhay needs saving so i hope he is behaving. i will kick his ass if i find out he is flirting. i will probably find him twerking. yeah, yeah. wait, why are we running towards the tribe?"
the rap was cut short like jimin's height, the screaming and beatboxing went flat like yoongi's ass as they stopped, seeing jungkook had been stopped by the tribe people. "why are there so many!" taehyung cried, jumping into seokjin's arms. "my body is not free real estate!" "your sexy broad shoulder's are!" jungkook corrected as he was held hostage. they shoved him in a basket and tied it shut.
namjoon fell on the ground trying to hold both seokjin and taehyung's weights. "i work out but damn y'all are fat asses." "it's because of all the love i hold for you," answered taehyung. "that is one sexy hot jalapeño," indian lover man cut off, looking into the distance. "who is?" seokjin asked, shifting to look towards where indian lover man was pointing, the tribe people long forgotten. "my hot emo boyfriend."
"sounds like a book title," taehyung snorted before being kicked for interrupting indian lover man's star gazing. indian lover man he gasped as he focused on hayden who was getting closer.
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"is hayden in a -?" "yes, namjoon, my beautiful babe is in a skirt." "isn't that a toga?" taehyung asked jokingly before a tribal soldier kicked him for interrupting the beauty. indian lover man stood up, alarming the rest of the group. the foreign people stuck out their spears but indian lover man couldn't be bothered.
"hayden! love, tell them we're not food and that they should marry us instead!" the tribe people looked at indian lover man as if they understood what he was saying. "what do you think, apprentice?" asked hayden. suddenly yoongi came in on a horse. actually, it was hoseok being forced to be used for transportation, "eh, kill them, i don't care." hayden nodded and looked at the tribe people, "go ahead kill them."
indian lover man ran and tackled hayden before the tribe people had time to react. "don't let them kill me!" "okay fine, don't kill my boyfriend, but kill the rest."
"all i wanted was to see harry styles live in concert," kaia spoke. "same," sam agreed.
taehyung looked shocked, "what?" "what? i killed their queen because i am the only one cool enough to hold that title." "how?" indian lover man asked. "voodoo."
