my indian lover man

we're still in the 20s

using alyssa's powers, the group landed on the moon. kaia's blood alyssa used to paint her nails had garnered her immunity in the face of harm. the oujia board got lost on the way here along with kaia's deceased body. additionally, namjoon lost his job and yoongi developed DID, one alter of yoongi's in particular acts an awful lot like someone familiar. but who?

totally off-topic but jin became a landlord and offered his basement to jungkook and his ferret. taehyung started acting dodgy, leaping from couch to couch, flicking his lights on and off for amusement, smiling profusely at nothing, et cetera. then jungkook's ferret was found dead in his house. uh.

anyway, right now, indian lover man was battling aliens.
or at least, he thought he was.
hayden harvested suspicious crops on the space shuttle and fed them to his boyfriend. at first, he started seizing, so they threw him out the shuttle; too much responsibility. he eventually floated to the planet where the rest of the group were located, knocked unconscious of course. but at the moment, he is swinging his arms and legs, shouting things along the lines of,
"DIE YOU INFERTILE FISH STICK"

you see, he often craved fish sticks these days. his appetite died when hayden shat in his happy meal. he grew an addiction to the taste and thinks hoseok's fish sticks taste the same. hoseok took the space shuttle to retract back to earth after hearing this. so now the group was stuck. all of this over the course of 2 hours. pardon me for forgetting about the whole sam slaughtering the pringle man, saluting nazis, other things as such. he lit hayden's hair on fire too so he has a bald patch now.

indian lover man woke up and screamed.
"will you shut up?"
"excuUuUuse me, it is not my fault you shoved radioactive spiders up my arsehole, drugged me and sent me into orbit."
"you'll live." hayden commented. indian lover man shivered,"con ptsd."
"that's the fun in it."
"lo siento no tengo, she take my dinero.."
"who?"
"take my dinero.."
"ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?" hayden cried and ran away.

"YOU KILLED MY FERRET YOU LITTLE SHIT."

taehyung was now in the psych ward - of space, of course. he denied all accusations he touched jungkook's ferret. he always stayed on his part of the house and never in the basement - that was true, his couch leaping always took place on his territory.

"no i didn't!!" taehyung cried, "it was either hoseok or yoongi! yoongi was acting dodgy from the start, and he probably doesn't even remember it because it could've been one of his alters! one of which, i might add, has amnesia! and hoseok has schizophrenia, did you know schizophrenic people are 6% more likely to commit homocide than the general population?"
jungkook's head was hurting from the noise coming from the cell so he stuck glass into his ears to block it out.

namjoon, yoongi and seokjin were ritualising. there was an album store a couple blocks down the moon so they bought the new twice album. they were manifesting their biases with moon cheese. namjoon wanted sana, yoongi wanted mina, one of yoongi's alters wanted dahyun, and seokjin wanted tzuyu.

"i want tzuyu!"
"shut up taehyung!"

i would've wanted chaeyoung but i wasn't invited to this cult so.

alyssa set hayden on fire.
"the fumes will attract space gods to save us from here. i can't deal with these bozos anymore."
"can't we just fly away? cause, you know, no gravity and whatnot.."
"wEll smartass, i think you'll find that once you 'swim' back to a gravitational field, you will plummet to your death. not to say i wouldn't mind you testing this theory out yourself."

"wait. how are we even breathing right now?"

the group stopped.

"que..?"