Beyond Love And Hate

Surprise !

I agreed to miss miller ,the owner of the shop , she had offered me the check before the performance , and told me if I'm willing then I can perform in any of their shows and tomorrow will be my first show here in country c , well there was a risk of being exposed but so what , Zayn will never know that I danced as a tap dancer since not even my close relatives knew about this and since with a different identity I used in this work it wasn't easy to identify me .

Even if it's a bit risky I can't sit around like a mouse hidden in his hole right ? this is my life and I have a lawyer and enough money to pay him back ,
my legal letter is already sent for the negotiations to him so why would he hunt me now right ?
Right ! So let's just enjoy ! Hehe
Hold up people , soon you all gonna be set on fire . ( smirks )

I came back home to freshen up with a new found enthusiasm . I have to go to the dance club to practice because I have to be perfect tomorrow . I can't ruin it at any cost , especially when miss miller had put so much of hope in me . My home was a single bedroom kitchen compartment so I didn't have much space here to practice and hence was heading to the dance club miss miller had on the second floor of her store of which she gave me the keys already .

I took a long shower then got into my sports bra and a loose shorts

And a knee length cardigan Then headed for my car , of course at night I won't risk confronting some drunks on my way again .

I reached the club . I took off my cardigan putting it in my bag and settled it in a locker assigned to me . I came in front of the mirror switched on the music and saw my self in the mirror . I saw no fear in them today which I was tired of seeing since the moment I met Zayn . Today was back the determination I believe in so much . The determination and the confidence which made me , myself . And I was glad I'm back to being my self , back to the confident Siren who was capable of dealing with any and everything without backing out . Yeah and I love it .

I closed my eyes and let myself drown in the music , the rythemes my body carved so much and soon I met myself sailing in the ocean of music and everything else became details that I don't concern myself with . My body felt like air again god I missed this so much , a breeze which roams free , free of fear , worry , sorrow , loneliness . Like I use to do back then when I was still a teen-ager . The music was like a soft cotton with care to every wound I had , have and may be will . It was common for me to loose my self like this even back then and now too but what surprised me to my bones was the reaction of my brain because the only face flashed in my brain that time was ....... Zayn , Why he again ? .

My mind betrayed me and I let him today because I knew I have to brace it now to forget it afterwards but who knew I was utterly wrong . Every day , every second , every moment spend with him were like waves which came crashing down , I realized he was there , always had been , in the darkest corners of my mind since I met him . In all the pain and the misery I felt and boxed up in some dark corner , he and his memories took shelter in it and surprisingly I'm no more fearful of exploring those corners and a sole reason for it is he resides there . More like he made me accept myself with all the ugly and bad sides of my life today , still hidden but his presence felt as real as the sun . He was there in the darkness and the time I explored my self I soon , willing or unwilling I don't know , but found my self heading towards the darkness , towards him ! He attracted me in a very beautifully-addictive way which horrifies me because I tends to loose control over my self , forget my self and the only thing remains is him and his memories which I relived again and again in my brain .