epiphany || bucky barnes

𝐎𝐍𝐄

LUCY'S POV

So many cameras.

So much noise.

So many people.

They're all staring at me.

They're staring at a hero and a villain.

Do they not know what I've done? 

Who I've killed?

"John, I think the first thing everyone wants to know is what is it like being Captain America? Do eagles fly overhead wherever you go?"

The woman speaking shook me out of my thoughts. I lifted my head, a proud smile on John's face as his lips parted to respond. "Yeah, that and flags tend to start majestically waving in the wind."

I grimaced, my shoulders rising slightly with my head dropping back to stare at my hands. They were folded tightly in my lap, my nails digging into my skin and scratching at it. All of their eyes, they're looking at me. Captain America's girlfriend. More like the poser Captain America.

"And how's the tour been? I know they did a big rollout for you, right?"

"It's the greatest honor of my life. Um, but I'm just a little shocked, I think. How did a guy like me end up here?" John laughed, the crowd cheering a bit.

The shield isn't yours.

I wish I said it out loud. Like I had the courage to say anything now that I'm riding on a pardon. Thanks to my status with the Avengers and John. 

"Tell me, Lucy. How has it been being the new Cap's girlfriend? I'm sure a lot of women would kill to be in your position." the announcer spoke, tilting her head as she awaited my response.

John grabbed my hand, taking away the leisure of being able to calm my rising anxiety by scratching my skin. My therapist told me it was better not to, but I couldn't help it. Maybe because I was always flipping a dagger for years. However, this time his own nails were digging into my already raw skin as if telling me 'if you screw this up, I'll kill you'.

I lifted my head again, plastering a fake smile onto my face as I nodded. "Yeah... Uhm... It's crazy, really. I had no idea it'd be John to inherit the shield. I thought Steve would be the one to pass it on to one of his-" an elbow went into my side, earning a quiet gasp of pain as John gave a passive-aggressive smile to me. I realized I should stop talking per his orders.

"Yeah, our relationship has been thriving. I'm so glad to call her mine." John whispered, cupping my cheek and pulling me up into a kiss.

I hated it. Every second of it was one I would never get back. I felt like I'd never get my life back.

The crowd swooned over the model couple, some chanting for them as John pulled away to continue the interview. I stared at the cameras, praying that someone on the other side would see me. But I thought it to be useless. That someone out there can still control me... even though I escaped it so long ago.

I would later find out that Bucky stared at the screen, the familiar view of the woman he left behind years ago staring back at him. He looked down, grimacing. "Mmm..." he hummed to himself, opening his phone and staring at the multiple missed calls from Sam.

Sam was staring at the shield primarily, before noticing John's harsh gestures toward me. The way he held my hand, hit me with his elbow. Was no one else seeing this? Sarah had her hands folded in her lap. "Sam... that shield..."

"Sarah... tell me I'm seeing things but is Lucy... acting off to you?" Sam whispered.

Sarah furrowed her brows, her posture straightening as she watched the woman on screen. "Uh... I guess? It's probably stage fright."