always YOURS ( On Hold )

chapter 4

Gulf's pov

Bang!!!!!! Bang!!!!!!!

AHHHH who the hell is that ? Why the heck are they disturbing me on my day off. It better be important.
As I angrily open my front door .

I can see my bestfriend standing their and cheerfully greeting me . I gave him the are-you-serious look.

He pushes me and enters my room . I closed the door behind me and endup going to my bed as I was  really tired because of night shifts. I forgot to tell I work as a pediatrician in one of the top hospital of the city
After 10 mins my friend wakes me up again ..

     " Ai' gulf wake up .I already switched on the water heater go take a bath .mean while I will be prepare breakfast for you "

Gulf:- ai' no let me sleep for one more hour na please na na .I beg him but this bastard friend of mine pulls of my duvet .

I lazily go to bathroom and do my morning routine. As I came out and wore some clothes I can smell pancakes 🥞 .

I just go and stand near kitchen and take a look at my dining . He made pancakes , toasts , orange juice and sandwich.

  He really treats me like a baby . Techno was my childhood friend we grew up together . We used to live together . But 6 months back boat proposed him and moved out from my house.but whenever I take a day off he comes and prepares food for me . He behaves like a mother hen .
I laugh at myself for my thoughts but those are interupted  by pain .

This idiot smacked my head . I glare at him .he justs shrugs and starts eating.

Techno:- did you take pills last night ?

Gulf :- I couldn't look into his eyes because I don't wanna talk  to him about that.

Techno :- ai' gulf its been 7 years .I know you lied to us that you don't care about him but their' s still a part of you which thinks that he returns isn't it ?
( He asked me .)

Gulf:- ai'no  it's just hurts not only because he left me .I can't believe that he didn't love me . Is it that easy to act like I was his world . He just left me their hanging with those hurtful words .

( I know now it may be confusing to you about whom am talking .
     His name is lhong .
My first love . I had a few flings before him but after he came into my life everything changed . we loved eachother so much that we planned to get married when I will be 23 but  he left me . It was the time when my parents caught me with him .they didn't know that I was gay .

But when they saw us kissing together  they slapped me and took me away form their. But after 1 week they allowed him to talk about our relationship. But when my father asked us to breakup .I was begging my father on my knees to forgive me and let me continue my relationship .

All the time I was asking my father lhong didn't even utter a single word.he didn't even look at me he just told my father that I forced him to love me  . He just left form their after saying that .I collapsed after what he said . I never saw him again .

He was my first love . I gave him my everything . It was love at first sight for us . both of  us liked eachother from the very beginning. I just wanted to know the reasons why did he lied like that.is it because of my family or was he ashamed to accept being gay. Is it that easy to let go our loved ones. I waited everyday for him . I didn't see him agian .I called his phone but he never attended my call .I asked his friends but no one responded. He just disappeared like air.

why did everything feel so true? .
Did I really force him . Didn't he love me ? These thoughts were feeding on me .

Even after 1 whole year I couldn't digest the thought that he didn't love. Everything happens between us was just a forceful one ? I was suffering I felt cheated, used ,broken .i couldn't take it. I  attempted  suicide but I ended up on hospital bed I saw my parents crying. From that day I started living my life for my family. They supported me because the state I was in , devastated , helpless .they accepted me for whom iam. .

but I don't know why but I still feel love for him. I never dated anyone again .

Days passed on .

my life got back to normal because I promised myself not to love anyone again . It's was peaceful.

But their are few days where the past haunts me like a nightmares.i couldn't sleep ,eat .then I started taking sleeping pills to avoid self-harm because I don't know in that state if I  would not harm myself or not.

I didn't become cold hearted.its just I stoped giving people chance to enter my heart.

I may tell that I don't want anyone to love me or I don't want to fall for anyone but deep down I wish someone could love me like I do .

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I just kept this entire chapter gulf's pov because I don't want to  drag anymore past relationships of either gulf or mew. Coming chapters will be solely focused on mewgulf only no more ex relationships.

I don't encourage self harm . When you feel down try to talk to others share your feelings don't bottle them up with in you. It just get accumulated like poison.life is very valuable.if you  lost the people you loved atleast live for the people who love you. For the people whose world is you especially our parents . They work hard for us . They sacrifice for us. Love them respect them. Stay safe stay happy
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Love you all💖