Memories of a stolen life (Bucky Barnes x reader)

19. Suit up

Time had passed and you had been sat staring at four walls for what felt like hardly any time since your mind was so invested thinking about the Sergeant who you had to remember was Bucky now.

You lean forward on your chair placing your head in your hands as the door behind you creeped open.

To see who it was you peered over your shoulder to see Steve standing at the entrance resulting in you straightening back up in your seat. Of course it was him coming to see you. No one else trusted you.

"You told me Bucky was dead" as you pull the locket with a picture of you and him out of your pocket.

"Y/n I-" he paused for a moment "I didn't know, I thought he was dead".

"It's not your fault I'm not angry at you" you assured him. He was the only one that trusted you and you didn't want to push him away.

"I'm beginning to remember" you continued "I don't remember my time with Bucky before Hydra but I remember Doctor Zola, he told me. He knew Bucky had fallen from the train, in fact it was the last thing he told me before he brainwashed me" you look down at the locket playing with it in your hands.

"That stuff never really worked on me anyway I would get snippets of my memory here and there and I was never truly loyal to Hydra most of the time" you sigh "I was almost like the prototype they would always test things on more before doing it on the Sergea-, Bucky I mean. I can't stop thinking about how things could have been different if I knew" you state as you pull your locket up to show Steve "I don't remember getting this but you probably do since you know more about my life now than me. I had this the entire time, I didn't know who it was or what he meant to me but it brought me some sort of comfort. I only found out the person in the picture was with me the entire time when he showed me his face the first time before I broke out of the base and then here I am" you take a breath from explaining everything you have been thinking about over and over again for the past hour.

"Y/n I am so sorry" Steve says again. He keeps saying it like it's his fault. He feels guilty when in reality there was never anything he could do.

"Honestly it's probably worse for Bucky. I've been asleep for 65 years. I can't imagine the things Hydra made him do while I was gone never mind the torture they put him through. My mind was most of the time almost free. I had my own thoughts, my own feelings. I would still do what Hydra asked but with remorse. He's completely gone. His mind completely taken from him. Though for a moment. When I saw him earlier I feel like I got through to him. He was to kill me if he caught me and he didn't. That's got to mean something right?" You question looking over to Steve.

"Do you want to find out" he answers "Hydras infiltrated shield. They plan to release 3 Heli carriers and use them to wipe out millions of people in one go. Help us, it's true most people in this base don't trust you yet but they will once you help. Also it's likely Bucky will be there. We can get him back because for me taking him out isn't an option. I won't let anybody do it so... although I may be the only person here that trusts you, you're also the only person here who doesn't want to kill Bucky so we can call it even" he joked.

You smile at him "I will help. He deserves a second chance like I'm getting"

"I've looked through some old storage and managed to find you a new suit if you want it. I didn't know if you would still want to be in the Hydra gear" Steve states.

You nod and look down to what you're wearing. "It would be nice to get out of this I suppose" you reply.

"Well then" he paused "suit up" and as he begins to walk out the room he stops "by the way, the necklace. Bucky gave it to you on your five year anniversary. I was there when he bought it, he was so excited to get it for you. He did love you a lot you should know that. I know neither of you remember but you where both so happy. I'm sorry you didn't get more time back then" he states while he leaves the room.