Memories of a stolen life (Bucky Barnes x reader)

21. Recovery

Your body suddenly wakes up and the pain slips back in. Looking around as you open your eyes you begin to panic. All you can see is white walls and the lights above you blinding you. Flashbacks of being in that white room where Hydra would experiment on you began to suffocate you. As your breathing increases you start grabbing the tubes injected into you and you begin pulling at them in a panic.

"Hey you're alright you're okay" a calming voice states. You look over to see Steve sat next to you. Everything's okay you're in the hospital.

As you listen to his voice you begin to settle down and fall back into your bed.

"I'm... I'm sorry it just reminded me of" you took a big breath "doesn't matter".

"You got hurt pretty bad in fact you have been out longer than I was. I was only out for a couple days" Steve continues while you maintain you're confused face.

"How long have I been out" you question him.

"You've been in a coma" he paused "for 3 weeks"

"3 WEEKS" you exclaim sitting back up in your bed.

"It's okay, they operated on you but you're lucky you aren't paralysed. Bucky broke your back pretty bad but everything's going to be okay. The gun shot wound is also healing well and the doctors said you will make a full recovery with possibly only a couple physiotherapy sessions" he states as he rests his hand on your shoulder trying to comfort you.

"Where is Bucky" you ask him. The answer to that question was the only thing you really wanted to hear.

"I don't know. CCTV caught him speaking to you just before you blacked out and then he left. We haven't been able to catch him since plus I haven't had much time to look since recovering" He informs.

"You're lucky" you joke "you got the good serum, the one that actually helps you to heal quicker. I got the dodgy one that can barely help me to heal a paper cut" you give a half convincing smile.

"I didn't know it was a competition" he smiled back.

There was silence for a moment.

"What do I do now" you ask Steve "I don't have a home to go to and realistically I don't know anyone other than you and Bucky who's gone MIA but really I don't actually know him because I always knew him as the Sergeant" you ramble on.

Steve takes a breath "just hold on Y/n it's okay. I was the same when I came out of the ice I can help you get a place and help you adjust. You don't have to do any of this on your own, we will just take it one step at a time yeah?" Steve assured you. "Also there is something I got to talk to you about but we'll talk about it later okay? When you're feeling better"

"No tell me now, what is it" you question.

"I don't know if this is a good time Y/n" Steve replies hesitantly.

"I'm fine, what is it?" You insist.

"There's something I got to ask you and you can tell me truth" he continued "how did you get out of that cell back at the base when Maria locked you up. We checked the systems there was no fault it was almost like something...or someone did it" he looks over to you.

"I don't know what happened Steve it's not like I could have done it" you look up at him.

"That's the thing Y/n I think you might have. When Natasha released all of the highly classified Shield Intel it also released all of Hydra's intel. Footage and lots of information was released about Bucky and... you. Especially the last thing they did to you before you got out" Steve states gently. This topic was sensitive and he didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"Do you have the footage" you question him as you look back up at him.

"Yes but-" before he could get another word in you interrupt him.

"Let me see it. I want to see it all." You demand.

"Y/n i really don't think that's a good idea" Steve states.

"It have a right to see it" you persist.

"Even so it's not that easy. All the information is being held at Stark Tower. After Natasha sent out all the intel we went back in and got rid of some sensitive stuff like you and Bucky's files. We thought you wouldn't want that stuff out there" Steve says sympathetically.

"Okay then take me there. Please Steve. Just let me see them" you beg him.

He lets out a sigh "fine but we got to get the all clear from the doctor before I take you anywhere".

You nod in agreement since it seemed like the only way you would be getting out of this hospital.

-

With the hospital discharging you Steve takes you down to New York where the Stark Tower is. You hadn't been there before in fact this would be the first time you where going to New York since before 1945. As Steve is driving, you couldn't help stare out the window. Everything was so much more advanced. In all fairness Hydra and Steve had both debriefed you on everything you needed to know about today's technology but you didn't quite comprehend how much things had changed until you where driving through the centre of New York.

In reality you didn't know how to react to it all. Part of you was amazed by how much the world had changed and you where grateful you got to see it but another part of you was overwhelmed and sad. It was sad because it made you realise how much everything and actually changed. The times you knew where gone. Although a few memories of your old life where beginning to poke through, you still remembered what the old times where like when working with Hydra.

"It all must be a bit overwhelming still huh?" Steve broke the silence.

"Yeah well there's a lot to process. Really makes you see how much everything has changed. I'm beginning to remember bits of my old life and from what I can remember it was nothing like now" you explain.

"I know, I had to forget everything I knew and re learn it all just to fit in with the times, but you're beginning to remember things? That's good right?" Steve said positively.

"Hmmm I don't know about that" you state hesitantly. In reality you didn't want to have to tell him what it was you remembered because you don't want to make him feel any more guilty than he already does.

"You're memories coming back surely can't be a bad thing?" He continued.

You sigh knowing that he deserved to know the truth. "I remember when Hydra took me. See not all memories are great. It's the only thing I remember so far" you pause and look at him and took a deep breath "Steve I was going to visit you when they took me. I obviously didn't know at the time that you had made it into the army and was long gone but I wanted to see you and check on you. At the time I seem to have thought it was something Bucky would have wanted and I know what you're like. It wasn't your fault. It seemed like Hydra had already chosen me before they took me. It wasn't a random kidnapping"

Steve looked at you with sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry-"

"Steve stop I told you-" you butt in.

"No Y/n I'm sorry that thats all you remember so far. I really hope that you get your memories back, all of them good and bad. You deserve to know and remember your life" Steve states.

"Thanks Steve" you quietly state while offering half a smile "I hope so too".

"And with that" he breaks the silence again "we have arrived".

You where so distracted you hardly noticed the massive sky scraper in front of with the name Stark written in big and bold letters.

"Are you one hundred percent sure about this Y/n" Steve asks for the final time.

"Yes... I need to see them. Not just for myself but for Bucky also" you say insistently.