A Webbed Up Life

Why the Human Torch is Not Allowed to Flirt With Unsuspecting People

I sighed dramatically. Why meeeeeeeeeee, I thought in despair as I entered the fancy party hall.

My boss, J. Jonah Jameson, editor-in-chief of the Daily Bugle, told me to take pictures at Tony Stark's annual summer solstice party. Now, I would've jumped at the chance to go to a party as part of my job. Just not the Avengers party, considering my, ahem, extracurricular activities as Spider-Man.

I'd run into four of the Avengers in my patrols around New York, especially when taking down some weird animal hybrid that had something to do with HYDRA. They actually weren't that bad for the most part.

War Machine: Didn't really like that I was a vigilante whose identity was unknown to the world

Captain America: Appreciated my help in teaching him slang (I didn't go to Gen-Z though, because I definitely don't want them to figure out I'm a teenager)

Black Widow: Annoyed at my constant chatter. She was impressed that my first priority wasn't defeating whatever baddie decided to wreck Midtown's shopping district that day; it was protecting the civilians from danger.

Iron Man: Happy to meet someone that could keep up with him in terms of science, and was equally as sarcastic and witty as he was.

I snapped a couple of photos before someone leaned over and whispered in my ear, "You know, I could be persuaded to do a private photoshoot."

Blushing furiously, I whirled around, only to come face to face with Johnny Storm, aka media darling, paparazzi sweetheart, and model.

Seeing me speechless, he raised an eyebrow and grinned. "What's the matter? Flame got your tongue?"

Johnny snapped his fingers, causing a little fire to fly out in a small heart shape.

I glared at him. Did I mention that Johnny was the Human Torch? Aka he could literally light himself on fire. And fly. So he was naturally hot...in more ways than one.

The Human Torch should not be allowed to flirt with unsuspecting people.

I gave him a completely deadpan look before saying, "Take a guy out to dinner first, would ya? And fyi, your shoelace is untied." Composedly, I walk away, but not before giving him a wink that makes him flush.

The tables have most certainly turned, I thought to myself in satisfaction.

*The Next Day*

At precisely 6:00 in the morning, my phone starting vibrating. I picked it up blearily and mumbled "Hello?"

"PARKER!" Jameson's yell filtered through the speaker at full volume. My eyes shot open. So much for wanting to go back to sleep.

"What is it?" I snapped, feeling extremely irritated.

"Was Johnny Storm flirting with you yesterday? I expect a full article on it. Perfect for the front page." Jameson said gleefully

I tried to protest that I wasn't flirting, but he told me to turn on the news.

Needless to say, I switched to the New York Times channel, took one look at the picture of me talking to Johnny at the party, labelled

HAS THE HUMAN TORCH GOT A NEW FLAME?

before promptly turning it off.

*At the Baxter Building*

At the same moment, Johnny Storm had also switched on the T.V. and froze when the picture of him and the guy he'd seen at the party popped up. 

Hm. 

Johnny wondered if he could get Reed to track the cute photographer down. Like, they hadn't even exchanged numbers!

"JOHNATHAN LOWELL SPENCER STORM!"

Johnny ran out of the living room just as Sue burst in wielding a frying pan.