A Webbed Up Life

Peter x 2 = STOP HITTING ON MAY

Sam flopped on the sofa and groaned loudly.

Peter walked out of the kitchen and chuckled.

"Now you know what I have to deal with in the Spider-verse."

Ava turned to him, an incredulous expression on her face. "You call it the Spider-verse???"

Peter waved a hand dismissively. "Details, schmetails."

After settling down and handing Danny a cup of tea, he kicked his feet over Luke's legs, causing the musclebound boy to roll his eyes in amusement.

"For one, he was a lot more polite and shy."

Sam nodded. "Well yeah, but he was just as geeky and nerdy as you."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Not everyone can be as stupid as you Buckethead," he said, prompting an indignant protest from said Buckethead.

Ava tapped her forehead thoughtfully. "He was like a puppy."

Danny took a sip of his tea and nodded. "Indeed. He was also around a year younger than you, if I recall correctly."

"Yeah, he actually fought on Iron Man's side during a 'Civil War' thing," reflected Luke, using air-quotes.

"Oh, plus, Harry and Mary Jane didn't exist in that universe, you were best friends with this dude called Ned and this girl called Michelle."

"Not to mention Tony Stark kept hitting on your aunt at random intervals," said Sam. Peter nearly choked on his tea.

"WHAT?" screamed Peter.

*Somewhere, in a different universe, at the exact moment the Ultimate Peter screamed.*

Tony Stark flinched.

Pepper, who had been typing away on her laptop, gave him a concerned look. "Are you--"

Tony shook his head and reached for a glass of champagne. "I got this weird twitch that I feel like I've been doing something that is questionable, and the kid just yelled at me."

Peter, who was sitting on the sofa, sent a confused look in Tony's direction. "I didn't yell."

Tony sighed. "Let's just leave it at that."