Changes

9

I feel myself being led somewhere, and I can hear Zac's anxious voice, but I can't focus. There are too many memories swirling through my head.

I look into the coffin. His face is pale, and his hands are placed on his stomach. He's in a nice suit, and his black curls rest over his closed eyes. He looks like he's sleeping. Maybe if I really believe it, he'll wake up. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I don't realize I'm crying until Lio pulls me to his chest. I sob into his shirt as he walks us away from the coffin. We walk through the crowd of people, and I feel suffocated. I press closer to him, squeezing my eyes shut, breathing heavily. It's too much, I need to leave, I need to leave, I need-

Soft lips shock me out of the memory. Gentle hands cup my cheeks as the lips move on mine. I gasp, grasping the fabric of a suit jacket.

Zac pulls away, brows furrowed. "Jake, I need you to breathe, okay? Take a deep breath. It's okay, just breathe."

I close my eyes, and breathe slowly.

"Good, it's okay, you're okay." Zac says. "It's alright. Just breathe."

I'm trembling, and he slowly lowers us to the ground. He lets me grip his shirt, and doesn't pull away. When my breathing is steady, and I'm not shaking as much, I look up at him.

"Why...why did you kiss me?" I ask.

He purses his lips. "I'm sorry. You wouldn't answer me, and you were hardly breathing, and I didn't know what to do."

I nod, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to panic. It just reminded me of-of-"

"You don't have to tell me." He says. "And it's fine. I wanted to get away anyway."

I take a second to look around. We're in a large room that has a bed on one side, and an empty desk on the other. There are two doors on a different side, and several pictures hung neatly on the wall above the bed. "Where...what room is this?"

"My room." He says, tugging me up off the floor. "I took all myself to the house, though, so there isn't much here."

I nod, sitting on the edge of the neatly made bed. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, Jake." He says. "If anything, I should. I shouldn't have kissed you, you have a boyfriend."

"No, you were just trying to help. But...are you going to tell Ryder, Finn and Micah?"

"I will. They'll understand."

I nod. "I'm okay now. We can go back."

"We don't have to." He says gently. "We can go if you want to."

"No, it's alright. There were just a lot of people, and I don't do good in crowds."

"We can go outside, if that makes it easier."

I nod, and he smiles. He leads me out to the hallway, and down the spiraling stairs. We pass the room everyone else is in, and Zac leads me down a different hall. He pushes open the door at the end of the hallway, and we step outside.

We're on a large patio that has a couple of chairs, and a big table. It looks out into the backyard, which you can get to by going down a short set of stairs on the side. The night sky twinkles with stars.

We sit across from each other in chairs. I can hear music coming from inside, and Zac hums quietly.

"Did you grow up here?" I ask him, tugging on my curls.

He nods. "We all did. We weren't spoiled, though. Well, Caz and I weren't."

"What do you mean?"

"Neither of us were athletic, or especially talented at anything useful. My parents figured we were useless, and spent all their time on our sisters. My mom didn't want boys, anyway."

I don't know what to say. He leans forward, putting his chin on his fist.

"Do you want to talk about your childhood?"

I bite my lip. "Well, um, I lived with my mom, and eight siblings. A lot of us have different dads."

"Eight siblings? Really?"

"Yeah, um, four girls and four boys. I was the youngest. Fred and Georgia are twins, and they were closest to me. They were always getting in trouble, though."

"What about your other siblings?"

"There was Quinn, Zinnia, Max, Alex, Hannah, and Rita. Alex is the only one who talked to me after mom kicked me out. He gave me and Lio the old apartment."

He keeps asking me questions, and I find myself telling him everything. About how Quinn would sneak me cookies before bed, and when Georgia and I surprised Fred after he lost a soccer game with movie tickets, and how Hannah and Rita let me tag along when they went to the mall, and about the time Zinnia helped me with me science project, and how Max would tell me stories when I was younger, and how my mother wasn't really a bad person, and how she'd take me with her to the grocery store even though I wasn't any help, and buy me chocolate before we went home.

I usually hate talking about my old life, but Zac encourages me to keep going after we've said goodbye to his family, and we're on the train. I keep talking as we walk to the house. The night guard, Gregory, lets us in, and we walk to the door.

Zac unlocks the door, and pushes it open. The lights are off, but I can hear people in the living room. We walk in quietly.

Ryder and Lio are awake on the couch, and Micah is asleep with his head in Ryder's lap. Lio stands as soon as he sees me.

"How'd it go?" He asks as Zac lets go of my hand to go to Ryder.

"Really good." I tell him. "I think they liked me."

"They loved you." Zac says. He's leaning against Ryder, clearly tired. "That went so well. Thank you so much."

"It's no problem." I yawn. Lio wraps an arm around my shoulder, and leads me to the stairs.

Before we go, I hear Zac say, "I've got to tell you something that happened."

"I told Zac about my family," I mumble as we go to our room.

Lio raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah. Also...I had a panic attack after dinner."

"What happened?"

"There were a lot of people, and it reminded me of His..."

"I get it. You're okay?"

"Yeah, Zac...helped me." For some reason, I don't tell him about the kiss. I don't know what to think of it. "Have you...have you heard anything about Jackson?"

He sighs, pushing the door to our room open. "I haven't talked to Ace since I asked him about everything. But I can go find out, if you want."

"If you don't want to talk to Ace, you don't have to." I tell him.

He shakes his head. "I'll just ask him for information about Jackson. He owes me that much."

I smile. "Thanks."

"It's nothing. Now go to bed, you're about to fall over."

I pull on some pajamas, deciding to shower in the morning, and climb into bed beside Lio. He lets me snuggle up to his side, and runs his fingers through my hair until I fall asleep.