Changes

20

The next two weeks are difficult. I've been avoiding Micah, Zac, Finn, Ryder. It's just too weird. I haven't been sleeping well, either, and I've been tired all the time.

I told Lio. He said I should tell them how I feel, even though I'm not going to do anything about it. I also told Tim. Lio doesn't know I've been talking to Tim, mostly because I'm positive he'd be upset. But Tim isn't that bad. We've met up a few times, like now.

We're walking to some place Tim wants to show me. It's almost eight o'clock in the afternoon. He's telling me about his cat that his parents won't let him have back, and how he plans to sneak into their house and steal her.

"Hey," He says, hitting my shoulder lightly. "What's wrong with you?"

"What? Nothing."

"Sure. You're not even paying attention to me."

"Yeah I am. You're talking about your cat, right?"

"No, that was two minutes ago, I'm talking about cookies now."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's fine. You're thinking about them again?"

I sigh. "I feel bad. None of them have talked to me."

"Didn't you say you were avoiding them?"

"Well-yes, but-"

"Just talk to them. Tell them how you feel and hope for the best. That's what I did."

"Yeah, no." I say. "I already have a boyfriend."

"I know," He says. "I'm just saying."

I sigh. "Tell me about your cat."

He starts telling me about his cat, and I tune out again, looking down at my feet as we walk. We go into a building, a bell dinging above the door.

"Jake?"

I look up, my eyes widening when I realize where we are.

We're at Pie in the Sky, and Micah is behind the register, frowning at us. Zac walks out from the back.

"Is someone-oh." Zac's eyes land on me happily, then flicker to Tim, and he frowns. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

I bite my lip nervously. "Well, uh-"

"I heard this place had great cookies," Tim says. "You look familiar."

"We go to the same school," Zac mumbles quietly. "I'm going to the back."

"Are you going to get something?" Micah says. He's not looking at me, and I feel bad.

Tim gets a dozen sugar cookies, and we leave.

There are a lot of people walking either way on the sidewalk, so we sit on the ground against a wall to eat.

"Did you do that on purpose?" I ask.

"No," He says. "But it's very obvious how much you guys like each other."

"What?"

He pulls a cookie out of the bag, hands one to me, and bites into his. "You didn't see how they looked at you."

"I haven't talked to them in a while," I mumble. "I wish you told me where we were going."

"Well, I'm pretty sure they both hate me."

"What? Why?"

"First, I helped beat up their boyfriend-though it was for a good cause. Also, it kinda looked like we were on a date."

"Great," I mutter.

"Are you really not going to talk to them?"

"I don't know." I sigh.

"Jake!"

I look up to see Ari walking towards us. Their dreads are braided down their back, and their clothes are bright colors like always. They slow, frowning when they notice Tim.

"Hey, Jake." They say.

"Hi. I'm sorry we didn't tell you why we didn't show up."

They wave a hand. "That was a long time ago. Besides," They glace at Tim. "Looks like you've been busy. Didn't think he was your type."

"He's not, we aren't together."

They nod. "Okay. Are you okay? You look kind of..."

I sigh. "I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

I tell them about what Finn, Zac, Micah, and Ryder told me, and how I don't know what to do about it. They pretty much say the same thing Lio says. Also, they tell me to get some sleep.

They have to leave, but promise to call me later. Tim walks me to the house-but not close enough for anyone to see him from the house. It probably looks suspicious, but I'm too tired to care.

I go up to my room, wanting to go to sleep.

But I can't. So, I dig in my drawer for Carlos' notebook.

I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

Mom and Dad don't want me. They've been arguing over who has to take me with them when they officially split up. I haven't even seen Lio or Jake in a while.

After everything that's happened lately, I just don't want this life anymore.

No one wants me here. So I'm leaving.

Gray and Devin said they wouldn't read this, but I hope they will when I'm gone. They'll understand why I'm doing this.

I don't want them to find me right away. I'm going to drive a while away, then...well, I found someone who sells poison, and...yeah..

If anyone does read this, please tell Lio and Jake I'll always love them. I told Gray and Devin to watch over them, and make sure they're always safe. I know it'll kill them to have me leave, but I can't stay anymore.

Whoever reads this, I left something in the woods, at our spot. I buried it a couple days ago, when I told Gray and Devin to watch Lio and Jake. If someone finds it, give everything in there to Devin, Gray, Lio, and Jake.

This is the last time I'll write in this. I hope whoever reads this understands. And if it's Jake or Lio...

I love you.

Carlos...wanted to...die?

No. No, that can't be true. He never would've done that, he said he'd never leave us. He didn't. I don't believe it.

"Jake?"

I look up, and see Zac in the doorway.

"Ace is here, and Lio looks like he wants to kill him."

"What?"

I get up, leaving the notebook on the bed. I'm definitely not tired anymore. We go to the stairs and I can hear Lio before we reach the door.

"What are you doing here?" He snaps. DJ is beside Lio, but not doing anything to stop him.

"I wanted to apologize," Ace says quietly. His blond hair reaches the bottom of his neck, and he has light skin. He has circular glasses, and a scar running over his nose. He looks tired. "And, I thought you'd want to know."

"Know what?"

"That Jackson's dead."