Part 36 - Escape and Evade

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There was no mistake. Nobody had written the wrong name, there was nothing to be rectified. I had let Jack finish his orientation before I tentatively asked if I would be able to speak with Lorres about the security matters, but my request received a frosty reception. Apparently Lorres would be "unavailable for some time". But "rest assured", Jack was in charge of all things logistical and I could ask him whatever I wanted. I feebly murmured that after what I'd been through, I found it unnerving to have someone follow me around all day, especially a man. I even said I felt uncomfortable having someone who had been involved in the operation there as a constant reminder. I plead the case that in order to assimilate back into everyday life I needed to feel normal and safe, not tailed by a man.

"You're asking us to be negligent in our moral and legal obligation to protect you, I'm sorry, but my hands are tied" Jack had stated flatly, without an ounce of apology in his words. Not that it was his fault, not that it was any one person's fault in particular... in my sleep deprived daze I wondered suddenly if that were true. Tears prickled in my eyes and I furiously nibbled the inside of my cheek hard to distract myself from the emotion. How could I have been so stupid? This is what Ant had been discussing with Jase late last night. "He's someone we can trust", like I was meant to take his word for it. Ant had been called back and decided to position Jase as his substitute, but why on earth would Jase have agreed? What was possibly in it for him? My distrust grew into a horrible gnawing swell of fury and upset deep in my stomach.

"Paige Phillips?" The nurse called down the corridor. I raised my hand slightly and walked towards her in a dream. Nightmare would be more accurate. She handed me a bag bulging with vitamins and supplements. "Take them as directed- every day with a meal."

"Thank you," I muttered, clutching the paper bag to my chest along with the heavy information pack I'd been issued with. I checked the time on the slim phone I'd been given, 3pm... Ant would be waiting. The meeting with Lorres and Jack had dragged on so long, and I was then ushered towards the medical wing to retrieve a prescription. I trudged through the corridor to the main car park wearily, I felt so confused and hurt by Ant's lack of compassion. But then, why was I surprised?

"Paige," Ant opened the door of the sleek Volvo saloon. I'd avoided him all morning, and only had enough time to hear his pledge to pick me up after my meeting before I jumped in the car Lorres had sent for me.

"Is it any surprise to you that they've posted Jason as my personal bodyguard?" I stood some four strides away from Ant in the San Diego breeze, unwilling to be closer to him than I had to right now. Ant was silent for some time, only the faint noise of traffic from outside the base lingering in the air.

"No," he said eventually. "Can you get in the car? We'll talk quickly."

"I don't want to get in the car with you," I stated obstinately, gripping the paper bag tighter.

"Paige," he paced around the open door, shucking any benevolence as he strode directly at me. I stood my ground somehow with a strength inside I certainly didn't feel. "It's happening whether you like it or not, I have to be on a plane in one hour- I don't have time to tiptoe around the matter. Get in the car, and we can talk about this."

Ant's impatient order snapped at my heels, my legs moved forward without my knowing I'd decided to obey him. I sat in the passenger seat, pulling the seatbelt across my lap until the fastening clicked into place. I clutched the bag of medication tighter still, utterly conflicted. Ant sat beside me, leaving the engine to purr softly as we both remained quiet.

"It's not about... how you feel. Or what you're comfortable with. I'm sorry, I wish it could be. But it's about what's safe, and Jase is the most qualified man to see to that. I know you don't understand why I trust him, but maybe it's not for you to understand right now. Just know that the decision is with your best interests in mind," Ant drummed his thumb against the steering wheel, looking straight ahead out of the windshield to the dull grey building. The familiar cloak of numbness cocooned me. What was the point in arguing? The part of me wanting to scream in fury that I wasn't a child, was fading fast. What was the use in fighting back? "It's happening whether you like it or not".

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