𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ☾ 𝐥. 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞

5 | There's Nothing Else I Could Do

Violet
—

I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE. I really really don't. After Louis left yesterday, nobody was even here to unlock the door, which resulted in me sitting on the porch steps, waiting until someone got there— which wasn't until two hours later.

Christopher— Chris, my mom's new husband, came home early from work once my mom told him that I was waiting at the door. Why did she tell him an hour after I texted her? It was nighttime when he arrived. The porch lights weren't even on, I had to use the streetlights and my phone flashlight! Do you know how embarrassing that is?

When he got there, he brought me to the guest room, let me unpack, and I crashed onto the bed— literally crashed. Jet lag is a thing, and it is crazy.

I also realized that maybe love is a thing, but then again, maybe it's not. Because if love was a thing, Louis and I would have never left each other, and I know that thousands of people say, "if you are in love, the universe will bring you back together." But is that really true?

I would like to believe that, but one: our last goodbye sounded pretty definitive, two: I'm not in the same part of London as him, and three: maybe I was just a one time thing. I would hope that the third isn't true, but there's always some part in the back of your mind that believes in the worst in people.

So now, the day after our excruciating goodbye, I sit on a large patch of green grass, surrounded by tall swaying trees and a four year old child laying on my lap. My mom wanted me to get to know her better. She said, and I quote, "I want the two lights of my life to finally meet!" It's like she thinks that I'm stupid, and yes, I know that that's a little harsh, but I'm not going to respond like, "Oh my gosh! Yes, I've been waiting to meet your child that you had with another man while you abandoned our family four years ago!" I'm not some silly eight year old anymore. I've been through life— especially one without you.

I wouldn't say that I'm particularly jealous of Raina and my mom's bond, but I just don't think it's fair. This little girl is going to get the most perfect life imaginable, while I spent most of my teenage years with a single father trying to teach me about the menstrual cycle and 'that' talk. I was supposed to have that with you. I was supposed to have my first period talk with you, I was supposed to have you come pick prom dresses with me, I was supposed to have you in my life. But that never happened.

Raina stirred on my lap, picking the white flowers that were scattered across the grass. I may not think that she is the best person in the world, but I'm not going to be terrible. Who knows, she may get a rebellious phase in her teenage years and suddenly hate our mom, then we can join forces to beat the sith (AKA our mom).

"Can we do something?" she pouted, staring up at me.

"Okay, what do you want to do?" I don't know what to do with kids! I don't necessarily like them. They're gross and stupid. They just eat, and run, and sit, and poop. What am I supposed to do with that?

My eyes searched around the small park we were sitting in, hundreds of people were walking their dogs and happily conversing with their friends. That reminds me— I don't have friends here! It's literally just me and them. Great.

My gaze landed on a bright pink building, reading "Kat's Ice Cream Parlour." I held onto Raina's sides, lifting her off of my lap, placing her tiny legs onto the ground. I stood up, looking down at her 3 feet tall stature.

"Do you want ice cream?" I asked with a small smile, bending down to her height and placing my hands on my knees.

"I'm not a baby." she harshly responded, sticking her tongue out at me. Well, she definitely got mom's attitude. My smile faded as I debated leaving her here at this park full of strangers. No, I'll get in trouble. I can't do that. But what if I say, I lost her? No, that won't work either.

"Do you want ice cream or not because I'm going either way." I crossed my arms, standing at my normal height now.

"Yes." she quickly said, reaching for my hand. Kids are so weird, I swear.

We walked hand in hand down the paved sidewalk to the bright pink building. Raina's eyes lit up as she saw the assortment of flavors from the store window. I opened the door, letting her walk in first and strolling into line. The line was short, but still had a good amount of people trying to get ice cream on this hot summer day. I took a few minutes of waiting until we got to the front. I picked Raina up so she could see all of the flavors as she asked the worker for cotton candy. I went with a safe and easy choice— cookies and cream.

The worker scooped the contents, placing it into small cones, and handing it over. I exchanged the money and we were on our way back to the house. We licked our ice cream, held hands, and talked a bit. For a few seconds, she seemed actually decent. Then she went on a tangent about how large my hands were and I just blocked out all hearing at that point.

The walk wasn't that long. The house was only a couple blocks away from the ice cream parlor, so luckily I didn't have to carry Queen Raina to her castle. I know, it's shallow of me to be hating on a four year old, but honestly, I don't care. It's not like I hate her, I just don't love her. Mom probably believed that we were going to end up like the Kardashians and the Jenners. Half sisters that love each other with every fiber in their body, but nope. I don't know if that'll ever happen, and I don't know if I want it to.

I came here to see my mom. I've barely seen her twice.

My eyes shifted from the ground to a few feet ahead of me, my hearing back on after listening to Raina going on a deep dive about all of my imperfections. My gaze glanced toward a boy.

Brunette hair, six feet tall, gold necklace. I could only see the back of him, but everything was the same. I felt myself rush over, dragging Raina with my hand through the crowd of people walking along the sidewalk. My hair blew into my face as I tried my best not to lose him. He kept waking and walking. I sped up my pace, trying my hardest not to let him get away, while trying to keep Raina from falling face forward onto the hard ground.

He stopped, giving me enough time to catch up with him. He was alone, clutching onto a bicycle, one wheel was broken. I am so close, I could feel it.

I started walking slower, trying to see his face clearer. He had the same build, the same hair, the same clothing style, the same everything. He's right here, I just know it.

I was now only a foot away, my body out of breath as Raina panted. Her three feet tall self, clutching onto my arm. He turned around, and I froze.

It's not him.

I feel so stupid. After pushing through people, dragging Raina along, believing that I could possibly be getting my second chance with him, it's not him. I got my hopes up.

He looked at me, confused as to why I was following him.

"I'm sorry, you um- you look like someone I know." I turned around, feeling pressure build up in my chest, my eyes becoming blurry. After what? Foolishly chasing after a boy that's not even him?

We walked back home, silence falling through us as I ignored my mom asking us if our day went alright. I tugged myself up the stairs, face first falling onto the bed.

Realization suddenly flowing through me.

I should have gotten his phone number. What. The. Fu—

—

Hi! This chapter is a bit short. So, sorry about that! I am getting near then end of finishing this book and I'm thinking of making a sequel (only if y'all like this book, of course). I just have so many ideas on how to continue this story after it ends and ahhh! I'm getting excited just from talking about it.

Anyways, I think you're awesome, and amazing and cool, and funny. You're also one of my favorite people on Earth, so thanks :D

- x, Sofia

(I'm also trying to find shows to binge, and I'm currently watching Shameless. Do you have any recommendations for any other shows or possibly even movies to watch? Thanks!)