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"Good news."
"Every time y'all say that it don't even be good news for real. What does the test say? My nerves acting up." I mumbled.
"Your test came back positive for pregnancy. It says here that you are six weeks pregnant!"
You know how normally, after a person found out they'd be bringing a little human into this world they're all happy? I was the complete opposite. Mainly because as of this moment, I hated myself.
"But I had my period." I was just trying to come up with some reason for this not to be true.
"That's not something that's uncommon, especially early on in pregnancies. It's actually pretty normal."
I didn't say anything. I just stared.
"I'm going to give you two a moment to take this in, I'll be back in a second to do an ultrasound." She smiled before walking out and I just sat there staring at nothing. There was nothing that could describe what was going through my mind right now.
"You good?" Syian got up out of the chair and came in front of me. I didn't say anything. I just wrapped my arms around him and started crying, beating myself up in the inside.
and i already can't fight so imagine how bad i'm getting beat up by my other self.
"I'm so fucking stupid," I spoke through my tears, not wanting him to know I was crying even though he probably felt the tears soaking through his shirt right now.
"You far from stupid, stop telling yourself that." He rubbed my back and I frowned. Usually his words would help, but right now they weren't helping. I was just sad.
"Really? Almost three years of sobriety down the drain. That's not being smart, what's the opposite of smart? Stupid. Okay then, like I said, I'm stupid." I removed my arms and sat up straight, rubbing my eyes.
"Making one mistake isn't being stupid."
"It is stupid especially when you're carrying a baby."
"But you didn't know so stop blaming yourself. I guarantee if you knew that you were pregnant prior to our argument you wouldn't have drank anything. You're not stupid. You made a simple mistake. We can go to a meeting and you'll just start over. Okay?"
"Okay, but even if I wasn't sure if I was pregnant or not, I still felt like I was and I know my body better than anybody. I should've known right there. I shouldn't have even went inside of the liquor store especially since I had a feeling something wasn't right."
"Stop beating yourself up for this. That ain't gone make you feel no better, I can promise you that."
After a while the doctor came back in with the ultrasound stuff and had me lay back and lift my shirt up as she applied the cold gel. "Damn bitch."
