Outside

Chapter 8

I've never had a family. Aequa kids never do. A week after we're born, we're taken away from our parents and raised by some anonymous employees that we never even learn the name of. I've seen families in the audience of Transfer Events before. A little girl hugging her mother, siblings running around the chairs. I guess I never knew how much I longed for that. I never even thought about what it must feel like to have people raising you—people who desire to know you and watch you thrive. I feel envy growing towards Drew for having that connection with Occi. Occi and I stay there, silent, hugging each other for a few more seconds, savoring the feeling of her caring embrace. Even though she isn't that much older than me, she has a motherly feel to her. When I let go, she puts her hands on my shoulders and stares at me with kind eyes.

"Can you do something for me, Nox?" She asks me.

"Anything, what is it?"

"Be careful with those two numskulls goggling over you. I know you're pushing them away to protect your own feelings, but... ah..." she purses her lips for a moment, eyes dropping contact as she attempts to find the right words. "I worry you might end up making them both feel less valuable to you in the process."

"But... I'm doing it because they're both valuable to me." I admit.

"I love Drew, you know that. He's like a son to me. I want him to be the happiest boy on this planet." She tells me. "However, it's hard to ignore the feeling that your using Kyan for emotional gain."

"What?!" I take a step back, eyebrows furrowed. "I'd never do that."

"Make sure he knows that, ok? That's all I want you to do."

"Is he... did he tell you something I don't know?"

"I'd... talk to him if I were you."

"But he was fine just—"

"Talk to him, that's all. Just... listen to what he has to say."

"Oh... ok." I say, my voice becoming timid.

She gives a slight nod and leaves my room.

I fall onto my bed, feeling like there's an anvil in my chest. If someone came into my room to kill me right now, I wouldn't be able to do anything but lay here. I realize I'm shivering, and I pull myself under my covers. I feel so tiny and so hopeless that I can't move. I stay there, staring at the clock, until someone begins to knock on my door. Even then, I can't manage to say anything at all. I shakily get up out of bed and to the door. I can't figure out who could be there. I doubt Kyan or Drew would come back so quickly, and I doubt Occi would return so soon after she left. It isn't until my hand is on the doorknob when it hits me.

Ellie.

It completely slipped my mind that we were supposed to meet up. I look at the clock and see it is an hour past our meeting time. I wince at the clock, quickly change back into my normal clothes, and open the door.

"Sup N!" She says casually, as if I didn't completely forget about her.

"I'm so sorry." I say and rub the back of my head. "I-"

"Don't worry, its fine." She interrupts. "I got to catch up with the other member of our trio." Kyan appears behind her, smiling wide. "Shall we go?" She asks.

I nod and the three of us walk towards the dining hall together. I'm filled with so much nostalgia I can't handle it, and I push them to the back of mind to calm myself. The three of us always did everything together. Even though we were only all together for less than a year, it was the best year of my life. Ellie and I were best friends since we were little, and when the three of us were finally together, I felt like I could do anything.