Outside

Chapter 18

I follow him out the door and find him on the porch sitting on a large wooden bench. His face is buried in his knees and his arms wrap around his legs. I sit myself down next to him, exhaling and turning my head towards him.

"I want to leave this place. I want run away and get eaten by a nice big pack of wolves and never have to be treated like this again." He murmurs. He lifts his head, revealing his tear-stained face. His eyes are red and puffy, and his body shakes. I scoot closer to him and cloak my arms around him.

"I'm not going to let you, alright? Those jerks don't matter. I lo... I care about Kyan, too much for you to go and..." I stop, unable to finish my sentence. I decide to take the conversation down another route instead. "You shouldn't let them get to you. There's always going to be hateful people in this world. You just have to ignore them."

"It's not just because people make fun of me." He responds quietly. "I'm tired of being so weak, and so unable to keep myself from hurting so much. Yes, everyone has problems, but not ones as bad as mine. My health is a constant reminder to me that I'm not normal. It doesn't matter what others think. I know I'm messed up."

"You... you say something is wrong with you, but... there's something wrong with everyone. Everyone has something that makes them feel bad about themselves. If they don't think they do, then they're too full of themselves and that's a fault in itself. Being normal is impossible. I'm definitely far from normal, and that's... that's ok." I reply.

"You know what I mean." He turns to me. "I'm different in a bad way. I'm constantly sick and I am so done with it. I'm cursed to always worry people and be a burden. You call that being a good kind of different?"

"You're smart, sweet, kind, funny, and you have absolutely mind-boggling willpower. You were walking just a day after being shot! You're freakishly amazing. You would give up all of the happy times here just to run from your problems? You would... leave me here? If you actually don't wanna be a burden, don't burden me with the loss of you." I tell him. "Even if you're joking about the wolf thing."

"They... Drew and Ellie... and the kids back at the Aequa... they make things so much harder to deal with. I wish they'd all just shut up." He says, his voice shaky.

"Me too." I reply. "They act like they have authority over deciding someone else's worth. It's nasty and they should have sympathy. Especially seeing how hard you try."

"It's like back in the Aequa. I'm always the punching bag. They know I can never strike back, but... they aren't just punching me repeatedly until I start bleeding, or I can't move. They're hitting me emotionally too, and I can't... I can't stop them. They're stronger than me. Everyone's stronger than me..." His eyes look dazed and weak, cringing at the memories that haunt his mind.

"But," I continue. "Like back in the Aequa, I'm here for you. Tell me who to punch and I will. I love you too much to have you go through this. I love you too much to--"

"You... Nox you just said..."

I pause, realizing what just slipped out of my mouth. For a moment, I forget to breathe. My head empties, and I struggle to put together any sort of sentence. Did I actually just say that?

"Y-yeah. I did say that, d-didn't I...?" I stutter out.

"This isn't some ploy to just make me feel better, right?"

"Key, I wouldn't do that." I tell him. "If I was the kind of person who did that, I would'a said it when you got shot." I take a deep breath, air filling my diaphragm, and exhale, composing myself, looking him straight in the eyes. "Kyan I think I... I think I'm falling in love with you."