Noel Khan Do It!

Heartbroken

I can't believe after all this time A has found me. I don't even know what to do anymore. I thought it was all over when Sean broke up with me. I thought that I had made a fresh start. What am I supposed to do now? As I walk back to my bunk, I try to shake off the thought of being tortured by A again. I pack my things and slipped out under the cover of darkness. If A wants a fight then a fight I will give.

Hopping on the next bus back to Rosewood, I see that my leaving was a coward's move. I never should have left. Sean may be done with me but I'm not done with him. I still think about the soft kisses and long moments of bliss exchanged between us. There is no way I can give up on us. Nate was a nice distraction but that's all he was. My phone begins to vibrate as I turn it on for the first time in weeks and I see a flood of text messages, missed calls, and voicemail notification. No time like the present, I think to myself as I hit the voicemail icon.

"Noel, it me. Look I didn't mean what I said that day. I miss you. Call me." Sean's voice brought tears to my eyes. He really did care.

"Noel, hey listen. I need to see you. It's important. Call me."

"Noel WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU MAN?! Pick up your damn phone or something!"

"Hey it's Mike. Umm I don't know what to say first. I'm sorry about what happened in the halls. I know how hard it must be to lose someone you really care about. Something is up with Sean. You should call him."

"Hey sweetie it's me. I know you wanted time to yourself and everything but I think it's time you come back. Sean is in the hospital. He really needs you." My mom's voice was strained. Almost as if she knew about Sean and I. my face is red hot. Tears roll down my cheeks slowly burning as they slide down. Sean is in the hospital! I almost don't want to check the texts but I know that it would be stupid. They could be updates about Sean. They have to be.

Where are you? Call me! –Sean

Noel I miss you. –Sean

Babe, where are you? –Sean

Noel, Sean is in the hospital! You need to go see him! –Mike

Sweetie Sean was in a horrible accident. He's in the ICU. Come back home sweetie. –Mom

I bite back screams as I stare at the last text. Sean. My Sean is in the hospital and I'm not there. An hour later the bus pulls to a stop. I step out onto the familiar streets and instantly I see the heading of the local newspaper: LOCAL MINISTER'S SON DIES AFTER CAR ACCIDENT. TOWN IN MOURNING. My heart stops. I can't breathe. I stand there like a statue about to crumble any moment. I can't do this. I cannot come back to Rosewood and lose the one thing I really needed. I slowly start to walk back to my house. On the way I can see that the streets are completely empty. No one is out. The walk was more painful than I imagined. Everywhere I looked I saw memories of us. The bench we sat at to talk. The table at the café we went to every Saturday. The park where we practiced on weekends. Sean and I spent time in every inch of this town. There is nothing I can look at that won't remind me of him. The tears are harder to fight now. I can't hold them back like I did before. I begin to sob. Loudly, uncontrollably and inconsolable. All this time I had convinced myself that Sean and I were over. I had told myself that it was more important to run and hide than stay and deal with all the crap. For six months I grieved for our relationship. For two weeks I pretended to move on. I pretended to be over Sean and in love with Nate. Now it's too late. He's gone and I wasn't even here for that.

I can feel the tears burning my face. By the time I reached my door, I was a complete mess. I opened the door and there they were, my family talking to Sean's. Everyone wearing black. Sean's dad was the first to notice me. "Noel, you're back. I trust you've heard?" It amazed me how calm he was seeing how he just lost his only son. Maybe he was trying to hold it together for his wife who was borderline suicidal. She was surrounded by people trying to comfort her and I can see the floor around her is full of tissues. I nodded as I began to wipe away my tears. He wrapped his arms around me probably in an effort to both grieve and comfort me and led me inside.

"What's going on?" I ask afraid of the answer. I knew what was going on. I'm not stupid. I just wanted to hear it.

"Today is Sean's funeral. You should go get ready. We'll wait." My mom replied while handing Mrs. Ackard more tissues. I nod as I run up the stairs. I close my door gently and put my stuff down. There is no way this is happening. I've really lost him for good now haven't I? He really is gone. I turn to my closet and pull out my best suit. The same one Sean had picked out when we were in need of clothes for the Lacrosse banquet. As I slowly got dressed I let it all sink in. The thought of not being able to see him anymore was heart-wrenching. My heart literally aches and throbs at the thought of never kissing him again.

I stood in front of my mirror and stared at my reflection. My face is swollen from all the crying. I looked nothing like the man I knew. I looked broken, defeated, and lonely. The reflection is more than accurate, I realize. I'm all those things and more. So I turned around and walked back down the steps. I can see everyone rising from their seats and gathering at the door. Mr. and Mrs. Ackard held each other at the end of the pack while my parents stood at the head. The middle was mostly Sean's aunts, uncles cousins and other family members. I tried to slip into the front with my parents but a hand on my shoulder stopped me.

"Noel dear, you've been like a son to me and I know how Sean felt about you. Would you mind walking with my husband and I?" between sobs, Mrs. Ackard had managed to make me feel better. Like I was part of Sean's life. I nodded and stood on her other side. When the group began to walk out of my house and down the street to the church, both Mrs. Ackard and I began to weep. We dabbed ourselves with tissues and wiped away our tears only to have more come out and take their place.

The walk was brutal. Everyone in town was already at the church and you can hear the commotion inside as we neared. I began to calm down more as I thought about his texts and voicemails and calls. He really did love me and that is all the comfort I have right now. As we walked in, the sounds inside stopped all at once. No whispers or soft conversations could be heard. Everyone was too busy staring at Sean's parents and their plus one. All eyes were on me. I could feel it. I guess no one had thought I would be back at such a time.

We walked to the front of the pews and took our seats as the service for Sean Ackard began. "I know it is a grievous occasion for which we have gathered, but let us not grieve so much as celebrate the life of Sean Ackard." That was the first thing the old man behind the podium said. I nodded as he began to speak about Sean. He was right. Sean would want everyone to think happy thoughts and remember him as a happily as they could. "I believe the first speaker at the request of the family is here with us today. Noel khan, can you come up and share your thoughts with us?" I nodded my head in shock. His family had asked me to speak FIRST? Why?! I wasn't even here when all this happened.

I walk up to the podium and I can feel all the eyes burning into my own. "Umm I wasn't really prepared for this but then again who was? I mean how can you ever be ready for the loss of your best friend and the love of your life? Sean was more to me than that though. He was my rock. He kept me honest, driven and alive. He gave me strength when I had none. He gave me hope when all was lost. I will miss him not because of his absence but because of the whole of my heart he occupies. Sean was more than words. He is Sean. Loved by all and hated by none. I truly hope you are in a better place Sean because if anyone deserves eternal happiness and bliss, it's you." I choke out the last few words and wipe away the tears before taking my seat in the front again. The rest of the ceremony was a blur. Everyone cried, placed a rose on his coffin and gave his parents hugs. I stood beside them the entire time and was greeted with the usual condolences as well as a few hugs.

When the service ended, I was the last to leave. I stayed behind and stood next to Sean's coffin. Silently, I graze the mahogany finish with my fingers. I looked down and that's when I notice that the lid had been nudged open. Desperate to see his sweet face once last time, I slid the lid open. Inside the white satin lining was another satin sheet no doubt to keep Sean's body protected from any accidental spills. I pull the sheet back and audibly gasp. The coffin was empty. Completely empty except for a post it with red writing.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH ME. -A