Suguru finds himself pacing back and forth like a caged animal. There's many regrets that encircle him and threaten to suffocate him from the night prior. If he had been the bigger man, he would've reached out to Gojou and apologized for everything.
However, Suguru is not the bigger man. He is petty and has far too much pride to allow himself to apologize.
Especially so since he's trying to give Gojou a reason to hate him. To do that, he has to serve as the wedge between them. Gojou had already done far too much for him and the idea of him sullying himself further by sticking near Suguru makes his heart ache. Gojou deserves to be happy and free and unfortunately, Suguru is his shackle in every worst way possible.
He pauses at the window, watching as the raindrops roll down the glass pane in waves. Cold white light from an arc of lightning flashes across the sky, followed by a clap of thunder so sonorous that Suguru can feel the glass shudder beneath his touch. He wonders if he were to press against the glass as it continues to shake against its frame, if it would shatter.
Just as he begins to do exactly that, the front door to the apartment swings open. Turning around, Suguru is greeted by the sight of a drenched Gojou standing at the threshold. Letting his hand fall to his side, Suguru takes his time studying his husband.
Dark circles hang low beneath Gojou's glassy blue eyes. Normally pink lips are pale and his skin looks sallow in the low light of the living room. His shock of white hair is plastered against his forehead and just a few seconds later Gojou slicks his hair back, sending a spray of droplets to splatter against the door behind him. Dark and wet clothing clings to his body, water drips down, creating a small puddle beneath his feet.
Suguru almost cracks a joke about how Gojou looks like one of those sickly and dying Victorian children but stops himself.
He knows that aspect of their friendship has long since burned away. If anything, Gojou would find insult within those words. Despite the apparent fact that Suguru is trying to make Gojou hate him, a small and selfish part of himself doesn't want that to happen. He hates how indecisive he is, all it does is remind him how weak he is.
Gojou pays him no mind as he moves to take off his shoes. Suguru doesn't break the silence either, even when Gojou pauses after taking off just one shoe and leans against the wall with a heavy sigh. No matter how much Suguru wants to speak, he finds that words continue to fail him.
"Well," Gojou stares down at his now soaked sock before glancing over at Suguru from the corner of his eye. "It looks like you got what you wanted after all. I'm being transferred out to Kyoto. I'll no longer be around to make your life a living hell."
Suguru feels his heart drop and he grows cold despite the thick sweater and sweats he's wearing. Is this what he wanted? Is this what his heart desired the most? To hurt Gojou so much over and over? To continue to play these games with the only person who showed an ounce of care towards him after the village incident? To burn everything away until the only thing left between them is the charred remains of a love once so pure and whole?
Was he truly ready to play the role of the monster to keep Gojou at bay, safely away from the storm of uncertainty and fear that constantly churns underneath his skin?
"Satoru, I-" What? What can he even say? Judging from Gojou's flat look, anything he could even say in this situation is unwanted.
"Save it, Suguru. I don't have time for this. I gotta change." Gojou shoulders past him and Suguru can only nod numbly. "Where's the umbrella?" His voice is muffled, behind the bedroom door and Suguru stiffly moves towards the front closet to fish out the umbrella.
Moments later, Gojou reappears in dry clothes. Black skinny jeans that compliment his slender legs and a navy blue pullover that's just loose enough to spy his collarbones. Suguru looks away, handing him a towel for his hair and receives no thank you in return.
There's so many questions that swim around in Suguru's mind. Is Gojou being transferred because he asked to be? Are the elders up to something?
"I don't know how long I'll be in Kyoto. Yaga is going to give me a debriefing about it and I'll be leaving in the morning." Gojou mumbles as he rubs the towel over his hair and when he pulls away, his hair is sticking up in every direction. Now fiddling with the towel in his hands, he looks nervous, like there's something on his mind. Suguru hums. He knows that he's the catalyst for the awkwardness between them and he has no right to feel the sorrow and regret for his actions.
One must reap what they have sowed.
"Suguru, there's something that I have to tell you." Gojou suddenly looks up at him with determination burning in his eyes. For a moment, he gets lost in the endless blue depths. In that singular moment, Suguru wants to take back all of the things that he had said and done. He wants nothing more than to beg Gojou to forgive him. He wants to promise that he's done with how he's been acting.
He wants to tear his walls down and set himself aflame so that he can rise from the ashes as a new man. He wants Gojou to be the sole person that possesses his heart and sees him for who he is. He wants to lay his soul down for Gojou to keep.
At that moment, he grows frightened of what Gojou wants to say to him. As of late, he's played the role of the coward and in this moment, he's no different. Suguru is terrified that Gojou might tell him that he truly does hate him. That his plan has finally worked. The very thought fills him with dread and nausea.
Shaking his head, he hands Gojou the umbrella with a soft smile.
"Tell me when you get back. Didn't you say that you have no time?"
Gojou gapes for a second before taking the umbrella and nodding slowly.
"You're right." Gojou stalls at the front door, looking back at him as if he wants to say something.
"I hate you." A voice that sounds far too much like Gojou's rings in Suguru's mind. Wanting to bolt away from Gojou's stare, Suguru swallows before giving him another smile. It's taking all of his willpower to not cry and apologize and tell Gojou his true feelings.
A wobbly smile flickers over Gojou's own lips.
"So long, Suguru."
He doubts that's what Gojou wanted to say but Suguru is grateful that it's what he went with.
"So long, Satoru."
YOU ARE READING
Gold Foil
Fanfiction"Marry me." Gojou hoarsely whispers, pleading with him. Suguru's eyes widen as he's overcome with shock and confusion. Suguru had been expecting a lot of things for Gojou to say but he had never thought that a marriage proposal would be it. In the b...
