"...you hold all my secrets and you are the one thing that can destroy me if you choose to." -Kim Seokjin
He spent his entire life doing what he was told to uphold the family name, but when one decision could make a lasting impression on his reputa...
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Seokjin and I laid in each other's arms, staring at the ceiling. His fingertips softly stroked my arm as I held him close. The evening was setting as the natural lighting grew dim in his bedroom. We laid there. Still. Comforting. There was so much I wanted to say, and I could hear the contemplation of thoughts from his breathing. Even if our thoughts tumbled around on different struggles, it didn't matter. Our world was here with each other.
"Holiday plans?" I grinned at the rasp in Seokjin's voice, signifying we've been quiet for some time.
"I'm spending Chuseok with Jungkook, and I think my friend Jimin is coming home. So, I'll probably spend some time with my friends," I answered.
A silence lingered. "What..." He paused until a heavy sigh followed. "All your friends?" He asked.
It didn't take a genius to figure out the inconspicuous question. I thought he was over his wonder about Taehyung and me. Though, when the idea of the good doctor arises, name spoken or not, a brief show of guilt haunted me. I sat up, gathering the sheet we were under to cover me, and rested on my forearm.
Seokjin's face was still visible in the twilight the evening dusk created in his bedroom-and I read him well. Curious he was-but why must we ruin our moment with talking of my friendship with Taehyung? Why can't we just enjoy our moment? "What do you mean, all of my friends?" I perked my brow.
Seokjin shrugged. "You are friends with my grandmother's doctor, aren't you? I wondered if he will join you in the gathering of your friends." He answered. "It's a simple question, River, one you try your hardest to avoid answering," Seokjin added. I scoffed at his snide tone, not understanding why this is such an issue.
Perhaps now is the time I explain my relationship with Dr. Kim. Never did I imagine this would be such an issue between two people who aren't even exclusive. Nevertheless, I will answer him if it will ease his mind. "Seokjin, what is it you want to know about Taehyung? You've been very curious on the matter since Jungkook's party."
The handsome man leaned on his side and rested his hand on his head, facing me with a smirk. "Well, I asked you before, but you ignored me. Will it hurt to ask again?" He wondered.
I grinned at the memory of this. It was also during his confession I received about his affair. However, I've always been curious about one thing I never dared to ask, and since we are on the subject, now would be the perfect time for more confessions. "It wouldn't, and there is nothing. Taehyung and I have been friends since university. We went out on two dates, and I didn't even get a goodnight kiss on either." I teased the last part and almost lost it when he scowled at me.
"You want to kiss him now?" Seokjin asked. Bold of him to say such a thing.
"That, Seokjin, doesn't merit a response, but now that you've got your answer, why didn't you tell me you were in love with this woman you were having an affair with?" I asked. Seokjin's gaze fell, meaning I was right in my assessment. "I recalled you saying it was nothing romantic, but later, you confessed to wanting to love freely. Given your other secrets you've shared, it isn't hard to tell the type of women you fall for." I added. A deep gasp escaped my parted lips, shocked at my rambling. An apology edged my lips, but I stopped myself. I needed the truth.
The man lying next to me stared. I attempted to read the expressions on his face, but I came up empty. It was indecipherable, making me believe maybe I bit off more than I could chew. However, I put on a brave face, whispering to myself that no matter how he responded, I have to accept it. It's easier said than done.
"To admit being in love with someone who is unavailable doesn't exactly roll off the tongue." Seokjin sat up and exited the bed. He's upset, but I will not hold his hand with this. I need to know where he stood about his feelings with this woman.
"With good reason, Seokjin. However, it's obvious you still had something for her, even broken up months later. Did you forget the night you came to the cottage, reeking of her perfume? I said nothing because I felt awful, you having to go through this, but now you've dragged me into it. What gives you the right to be upset, Seokjin? Unless," I sat up and grabbed my throat, stopping it from plummeting to my stomach on my realization. "Unless you're still in love with her." I forced out.
Seokjin remained quiet, a painful silence speaking, a painful response. "Are you still sleeping with her?" The question flowed from my tongue-low but clear-another silence from him as he gazed at me with heavy eyes tinted in crimson. How deeply did he fall to shed tears for this woman?
"River," Seokjin began, "you don't understand. I-" He paused, then left it unfinished.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The bravery in me diminished, and now I'm fed up. Adrenaline pumped in me, knitted with anger and sadness. So much time I've spent with this man, only for him to tell me I'm just a side piece.
Tears fell from my eyes faster than I could even speak. "I understand you can't even face me because you're ashamed of the biggest secret you're telling me. Shall I add this to your diary as well?" I mocked. Petty, I'm aware, but I'm hurt. I'm angry with what is happening now, to the point of trembling.
"It only happened twice, and I told her no more the last time. I want to move on, but she won't let me." Seokjin finally turned to face me. "I wasn't lying when I said my heart beats for you because it does. But I can't be the man you need right now, and I'm not sure if he exists." So, this is what it means when they say the truth hurts.
"B-But I'm exactly the woman you need, right? Because, unlike those women you've had a past with, I am right here. Free and unattached, but that scares you. You don't know how to handle a woman like me. Too bad for you." I scooted from the bed and exited the bedroom. I can't do this anymore.
Down the hall to the TV room, I found my clothes from earlier and slipped them on. I waited for five, ten, maybe twenty seconds for Seokjin to come after me, but he didn't. I nodded, realizing a man who was never mine from the start has dumped me. Mrs. Choi was right all along.
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Hope you enjoyed the double! Stay tuned... I'm very happy to be writing again! Thank you for your patience and support! Also PFHD hit 20k! This makes me so happy! 🥺❤️ Thank you loves!!
