"...you hold all my secrets and you are the one thing that can destroy me if you choose to." -Kim Seokjin
He spent his entire life doing what he was told to uphold the family name, but when one decision could make a lasting impression on his reputa...
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"River?" Seokjin's calm yet concerning voice echoed throughout the walls of my bedroom as I heard him saunter towards the bathroom doorway. My face no longer decorated my toilet, but I laid my face on the cool porcelain hood. I was too weak to even move, and I didn't care about having to explain my ailment, especially to him.
Seokjin stared at me, "are you okay? Do you need a doctor?" He asked, kneeling next to me. His scented cologne tickled my nostrils, making the nausea waved in my tummy. I only shook my head at him. I didn't want to speak. "Let me help you up," he offered.
I extended my hand and allowed him to help me from the floor. Our gazes met and my heart sunk from seeing the hurt in his deep-seated eyes. I missed them. I missed staring into them and seeing them smile when he smiled. The way his cheeks extending on his face, glowing in happiness. I miss seeing him happy. He took me to my bed and set me down. Gentle as he was, it didn't erase the memories of what brought him here, not that it could this early. However, having him here to witness me finding comfort in my bathroom made one matter important to discuss. I have to tell him the truth.
His reason for being here was to explain himself, but what could he say? He wasn't aware the history between Sunhee, Taehyung and me, but he knew Sunhee was Taehyung's wife, although he wasn't acquainted with Taehyung till later. Did it matter, though? This whole mess made me sick, and I didn't want to think of it anymore. I already re-lived the pain and memories following. I don't want to right now. What I need is to establish reasoning with Seokjin.
Seokjin took a seat next to me, but there was still distance between us. I stared at him, though he lowered his gaze a few times, but I wanted to see what he was feeling and if it was sincere. "I didn't realize what I've done had such an impact on you. Sometimes I wondered if I should have gone after you that day you left," he admitted.
Stupid me-I almost forgot. The truth which led the act of me leaving and not seeing him for some time. So much has happened-it's been hard for me to even keep up. This man believed me vomiting resulted from what he didn't do, and he's feeling regret. There is a hint of sincerity, but it doesn't diminish the pain. I shook my head, disagreeing on his reasoning while figuring out a way to tell Seokjin about his baby.
"River," he called, soft but voice waning. "There isn't anything I can do to take back what I've done, but-" he paused. "But I hope we can, maybe work towards moving past this. Together." He suggested. "Unless it's too late. Perhaps Taehyung has already claimed what I lost." He murmured.
My gaze simmered on his words. An indescribable anger boiled inside me, hearing Taehyung's name from his lips spoken as if he hadn't hurt the man enough. "How dare you Seokjin? Is this your way of saying you're sorry?" I stood up and took a deep breath. "Is this some sort of competition? Do I look like a prize to you? You slept with me while sleeping with Sunhee and I slept with Taehyung because we may as well perform the act Sunhee accused us of." Seokjin's eyes widened, before rushing with tears. He turned away before I witnessed them falling.
"I guess I deserve that." He mumbled.
"You didn't, really, but I will not lie to you. I'm going to tell you everything." As my tears were about to flow, I bit down on my lip.
"I didn't lie to you, River," Seokjin stood up. "I was honest with you about what I did. You didn't deserve the way I treated you. I didn't go after you when you left because I-I didn't think I could be what you need." His trembling explanation trickled from his lips.
"But I was everything you needed, right? I was your comfort. Your secret keeper. I gave myself to you repeatedly and now," I swallowed deep before my confession. "Now I'm pregnant because of it."
Seokjin's lips parted as he stared. He mouthed the word pregnant as a lone tear fell from his eyes. "Y-Your pregnant, River?" He asked.
I nodded, realizing my secret I've been keeping from him, now revealed after admitting I slept with Taehyung. My heart quivered with fear, but I wanted him to know. I'm tired of the lies dragging behind me like years of baggage. Now, since I'm honest with him, I will have to be honest with the others as well. It won't be easy, but they can take me as I am, or not have me at all. My life will go on.
Seokjin stepped away from me. The pondering grimace on his face suggested he replayed my confirmation over in his thoughts. "You slept with Taehyung, while pregnant with my baby?" He gritted.
The fear amplified inside me, but I held my own. Seokjin turned to face me. His piercing gaze suggested anger, but the crimson tint glistening around his russet eyes showed hurt. The tears falling from them confirm this.
I understood him, and I prepared myself for this, but it doesn't change the fact how much I love him. It doesn't change how I want a life with Seokjin and how I've chosen him so many times when I shouldn't have. After everything, this was my start with him. I wanted him to know the truth and not build a new foundation on lies. I will take this pain because it's temporary, and I will leave everything up to him. "Yes, I did." I murmured.
"So what do you expect from me, huh? What do you expect, River? You should have told me regardless of what happened!" Seokjin rushed me and I was too numb to move. He shook his head, lowering his gaze as if I disgusted him. "I can't deal with this. I can't deal with you." He mumbled before walking toward the door. I turned to see him hesitate, standing at the door with his head resting against it. His lips moved, but I couldn't make out what he said.
"Seokjin," I called, but he turned the knob and exited quickly before I speak again. Tears filled my eyes as I released a long sigh. Heavy as this is, I have to accept it. He needed to sort his thoughts, and I will give him all the time to do so. Nothing will change my love for him.
