Pages From His Diary | k.sj.

Fifty Four

I am hiding.

Since the night of Hobi's party, I've been too embarrassed to show my face. My friends have been calling. Jungkook even threatened me if I didn't answer his calls. I've even gotten a few calls and texts from Seokjin, but I ignored them. He is the last person I want to face now, though the child inside me reminds me of him every day.

I couldn't even show my face at work, so I asked for some personal time off and it's been relaxing. Painting has been therapeutic, especially since I haven't had the time after dwelling at the Kim estate. My last painting was one I was preparing for Mrs. Kim. My heart swelled knowing I wasn't able to give it to her, but I have the perfect place for it.

Last evening, I spent hours on the phone with my parents. Via video, I got an inside look at their newly renovated home, along with a day-to-day outline of how they've been spending their retirement. They asked me several times if I was coming back to the states. After everything that has happened, it's not such a bad idea. Would I really have the gall to leave?

Perhaps it would be selfish of me to leave a place I love and the people because of someone's mistake. One heck of a mistake it was, but the impact alone is stunning. I can't even close my eyes without reliving Hobi's party or the events after. I've been thinking of Taehyung more than ever because of the intimate moments we shared. Even though it was closure for us, the impression still lingered. I guess I felt more for him than I realized, but I'm aware of where we stand.

Taehyung knows about my feelings for Seokjin and encouraged me to sort through them. He gave his blessing for me to be with someone, even when he was in love with me. The strength in him spoke volumes.

Blessing or not, I'm not ready to face Kim Seokjin.

The image of him and Sunhee together is vomiting. How did they even...no, no! Stop thinking about the disgust of them, River. All the secrets he's shared with me, most of them involving his affair. Did I have to be on the receiving end of everyone's drama? Why did he want me to know? Did he think once I found out, it would make it better? Perhaps, but Sunhee! The woman who ruined my friend's life and antagonized me for years because she was too stupid to realize she was the one Taehyung loved.

It's almost laughable for her to believe he was sleeping with me. Someone should have her admitted to the nearest asylum.

Deep breaths River. I can't keep getting myself worked up. I've spent the last few days face in the toilet. Between morning sickness and nerves, I can't keep much down. These are the days that were far from relaxing, but I'm keeping it together. I agreed to let Hobi come over even though I told Jungkook I needed some time alone. Hobi knew everything and was the only one I could talk to. Plus, I needed to formally apologize for what happened at his party.

My best friend arrived with food in hand. Any other time I couldn't wait to dig in, but it reeked. I ran away from him and put on a mask to keep myself from puking.

"What?" Hobi asked, face dumbfounding by my actions.

"What is in that? Garbage?" I asked.

Hobi frowned. "You don't speak to me for days and now you insult my food? What the hell, River?" He huffed, walking into the kitchen and setting the bag on the counter. I hurried quickly into my sitting room away from the horrible stench.

"It's not your cooking, Hobi, I'm sorry. Pregnancy changes my smell and taste for a lot of my favorite foods. It sucks." I pouted as I removed my mask from my face.

Hobi smacked his teeth and took a seat next to me. "I'll tell you what sucks. Having crazy drama at my party and then my best friends disappeared on my ass. What the hell happened, River? I've been hearing things, but I want you to tell me the truth. What happened?" He asked.

I scoffed. Hobi spoke as if it happened yesterday. In some ways, it did. "Well, I'm not sure how Sunhee ended up there, but Taehyung saw her with Seokjin." I began.

"With Jin? You mean like with him, with him?" He wondered.

"They were close. It seemed as if they were arguing, and you know how Sunhee is." I clarified. "Anyway, Taehyung approached her, and she ran her mouth as always. Taehyung guessed it was Seokjin Sunhee has been sleeping with and he asked him. Seokjin confirmed." I sighed after speaking.

"That's when all hell broke loose." Hobi shook his head.

"Hobi, I didn't even see when Taehyung lunged after him. It happened so fast. Everything moved in slow motion for me and it didn't feel real, Taehyung facing the man that's been sleeping with his wife and it turned out to be the man I'm in love with. It still haunts me." My voice tipped low as the events continued to replay in my thoughts. When will I ever be over this?

"Jungkook said you left with Taehyung," Hobi asked.

I nodded. "I did." My eyes burned with threatening tears. "Taehyung and I left for the Four Seasons." I fidgeted with my fingers and my gaze lowered from my friend.

"You went to a hotel?" The tone in Hobi's voice made my heart stutter. I'm sure my reaction is drawing tons of theories from him. Hobi is intuitive and I will not lie to him.

"Yes."

"Did you sleep with him?"

I scoffed, lifting my teary gaze to my best friend. Hobi's face softened. "I'm not sure why it happened. Maybe we were both hurt and needed comfort."

"Or because you love each other," Hobi suggested. "Taehyung loves you, River, and you love him too, but fate has been cruel to both of you. Too much has happened for there to be a happy beginning."

"We sorta said the same thing. Friends," I nodded. "That's all we are now."

"Did you tell him about the baby?" Hobi wondered.

"Gosh no. I couldn't Hobi. I will but, I can't right now."

"River, you slept with Taehyung and you're pregnant with Seokjin's baby. Do you have any idea of the web you're spinning? Tell them sweetie."

I nodded, aware of everything and no less hurt from any of it. I didn't speak, but the tears falling from me communicated my thoughts. Hobi scooted closer to me and extended his arms. "I understand River. Everything will be alright. Hobi whispered, I promise.

Things will only get worse before they get better, and I wanted to have faith in my best friend. I had every opportunity in the world to tell Taehyung the truth, and now I'm a liar. The closure we'd supposedly reached has a slight crack in it. This made me fearful.

"Now, can we please eat something? I'm starving." Hobi grumbled.

I grinned at my friend while hearing his stomach rumble. "Yes Hobi, let's eat."

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This book will be a priority as I work on completing it. I will miss it when it's done.

↣ ♡𝒸𝓊𝓅𝒾𝒹♡ ↢