Matters of the Heart

Chapter Four- Conversation from the heart.

~Patrick Blaine's point of view~

I wake up to raging pain in my leg. I know that it's normal after stitches. I feel like a fucking idiot. Why in god's creation does karma keep kicking me in the fucking face. I have always been dealt nothing but shit. The one person who I decided to spew my shit on now has custody of my child. A child I can't even take care of. I swear it's like the powers above put me on earth to make my life miserable.

I avoided Tinley and Zoey because I was trying to process things. I know she's my daughter. I know I need to be there for her. I don't know how to be there for her. I didn't have the best upbringing. I was the only child of a woman who lost her mind over my father. He came and went. I am now twenty-six years old, and he only comes around when it's payday.

Nick pays me decently. I don't have money because I can't say no; I live in the place I do because no matter what, I pay my rent first and let everything go. Water and electricity are included in my rent. I go without a lot to keep my father from trying to kill me. Not literally. He does beat the shit out of me because he knows that I won't touch him just because he is my dad.

If it weren't for Nick, I wouldn't be able to race. He pays for my car. I have never asked him for anything. He just offered. I was barely legal to drive when he helped me build my first car. I chose to pick on Tinley because she was an easy target. It escalated over the years. I feel bad about it now. Not because she has my child. I feel bad because I realize I hurt her the way my dad hurts me. He does it with his fists and not his words.

I knew the night I had her pinned against the wall; I needed to check myself. I can't and won't be my dad. I will never put my hands on another woman again. Tinley is the one and only. I am actually thankful Vance showed up. It could have gotten bad. I don't blame him for yanking me up like he did. I know he's in love with Tinley. I know he loves my daughter. That shit messed with my head.

I went to my mother's grave. I sat there for hours talking to her, trying to get clarity. The thing is, dead people, don't talk back. I came out of that more confused than ever. I should have never been in that car last night. I knew when I got behind the wheel; I should have gotten back out. I needed something good. Not that Zoey is a bad thing. She confuses me. I know I need to be there; I know I can't be like my dad.

I need to call Tinley. The pain is worse than I thought it would be. I have to go to her. I can't afford to go to the clinic; I have health insurance. That was the one thing that Nick makes sure he doesn't slack on. Actual employees have a great benefits packet; I can't pay the co-pay at the clinic. Tinley is free. I wanted to spend the morning with Zoey if she would let me anyway.

~Phone conversation~

Vance: "Hello?"

Patrick Blaine: "Hey, is Tinley busy?"

Vance: "She's changing Zoey. Give her just a minute."

I wait a few minutes.

Tinley: "Hello?"

Patrick Blaine: "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but my legs are hurting extremely bad. I don't think it's normal."

Tinley: "Let me get dressed, and I'll be right there."

Patrick Blaine: "Thank you, Tinley."

~End conversation~

I am lying in my bed. I can't move without hurting my leg any more than it already is. I hope Vance comes with her because I am here in all my glory. I don't usually sleep naked. I was so fucking tired when I got home last night. I stripped and went to bed. I sit up and try to look at my leg. I think it's infected, but I'm not a doctor. I know Tinley didn't do anything wrong. The cut itself was nasty. I probably need a tetanus shot.