The Successful Test Subject (gxg) (ON HOLD)

PART 27 Car Talks

While I was waiting for Wanda to come and pick me up, I was sobering up a bit. Don't get me wrong I was still very much not, but the stress I got to finally see her again made me feel a bit more mentally present. When I told Steve that Wanda was picking us up, he suggested that he take a taxi home, giving me and Wanda some alone time. I told him that he didn't have to, but he insisted. I'm never going to tell him but, I appreciated that. Even when he's drunk, he tries his best to help others... Oh god, I've become friends with him. But that's a problem for later, right now I have to focus on the door. The door, Wanda can come through any moment I tried to keep my cool, but my up and down bouncing leg showed the opposite. Even the bartender gave me a free water, probably thinking I was going to pass out any second. I might.After what seems like hours of looking at the door, I finally see her come through. I wanted to walk up to her, but I felt like I was glued to my chair, frozen. So I just stared at her from my seat, looking at how she scanned the bar. Her facial expression not as happy as usual, knowing all too well that this is my fault. Ultimately her gaze landed on me. Our eyes locked, but she didn't keep it, instead she cast her eyes away as she walked towards me.

"Come one, let's go home" She refused to look at me as she stood at my table. I looked at her for a moment before standing up, hurt was written all over her face. Without speaking to one another, we walked out of the bar. I had all these things I wanted to say to her, but seeing her like this, nothing sounds good enough. She walked 3 steps in front of me, making it impossible for me to walk next to her. While we were walking to her car, all I could do was look at her. She was frustrated, hurt, and sad. Things I never wanted her to feel. And I hate myself for it. It breaks my heart. Surprise I have one.

Because Wanda walked a bit in front of me, she was already in her car before I got there. Instead of opening the door and sitting in it, I stood outside for a while, leaning with my forearms on the roof of the car. Taking in a deep breath of the slightly colder night air. I closed my eyes, sighed, and opened the door. when I'm in my seat, I lean over to the steering wheel and take the keys out of the ignition.

"Yn, I'm really not in the mood to do this. Give me the keys." Wanda leaned her elbow against the window and rubbed her forehead.

"I don't know why I did that, i-uh I just want to talk." I fidgetted with the keys for a moment before I put them in my palm and gave them to her to take back. "I'm sorry," I stared down at my lap and felt her take the keys, so I brought my hand back. Expecting her to start driving, I put on my seat belt.

"I know you're sorry," Wanda said, not putting the keys in the ignition. I turned my head slightly so that I can see her in the corner of my eye. Her head was against the headrest, and now she was the one fidgeting with the keys. "But it still hurt" an almost silent whisper left her mouth.

"I thought at the time that I was doing the right thing. I thought by not telling you, you didn't have to worry. I didn't want you to worry about this too."

"That's the thing Yn, I want you to tell me those things, the good but also the bad, you can't have a relationship where you think everything is going well with the other, but in reality that's just because things aren't being said. I need communication. " I turned my face to her, seeing that she was having a hard to keep it together. Instinctively I grabbed her hand, holding it while resting it in her lap, making her look my way. Her eyes were glossy, just as mine.

"I Can't Lose You Wands. I fucked up. I told you I'm new to this, and I'm trying to do it right. Some day I will be great at this ... hopefully." I gave a sniffing chuckle. "But I know I'm not that way yet. And if I have to be honest with myself, I absolutely don't deserve you, nobody does. But I'm selfish and I want you just when I know I'm no good. Cause I -. " I glanced away from Wanda for a second, wiping a tear away before it left my eye, and sighed. "Wanda, I love you." A confession about something I never thought I would do before I met her. Love. I never experienced it, but I do now, I do with her. I feel weak and vulnerable with her, yet also happy. Happier than I've ever been.

"You do?" Her voice broke and I felt her eyes burning on me. The breaking in her voice made tears fall from my eye, I'm not even going to try to wipe them away. I'm going to show her my emotions, I'm going to show her that I trust her and can be myself with her.

"I do, with all my heart." Her hand came to my face and she wiped the wet trail of tears under my eyes with her thumb. A soft smile appeared on her face. One I didn't think I would see again. Her thumb was still rubbing my cheek and I raised my arm, gently grasping her wrist. "Wanda I love you," I repeated, looking right in her eyes, trying to show her how serious I am.

"I love you too." She whispered. Instantly making me smile. I'm pretty sure I look like a wreck right now, but I couldn't care less. She loves me. Even after all this.

"I really want to kiss you right now, but I'm not sure if you let me do it" Hey, you never know. I know she loves me, but maybe she's still pissed enough that she would catapult me ​​out of the car when I try to kiss her.

"Just kiss me" She chuckled, pulling my face closer to hers. A smile appeared on my face just before our lips touched. The emptiness I felt in recent days filled up immediately. An emptiness I'm not planning on ever feeling again. 

From now on its only steps forward. And I'm going to do that with her.