Dear Neveah,

20. Dear Neveah

Hey Logan,
You know I despise having to sit here in this dumb chair writing to you but today is gonna be an exception. It's been a while, I know, things have been overwhelming for me these days, specifically with the fights and her. Yes, her.

I told you I was going to stay away but just today, I find out it's her. Can I stay away from her now that I know she's the kid we used to play with within her expensive playroom? Can I? All those days we'd run around our house splashing water and playing hide and seek flash my mind every second I close my eyes. Pictures of her happy face haunt me which is why I'm seated out here writing it away.

Is it even good news seeing her again? The more I think about it, the more unanswerable questions flood my mind and it gets more irritating by every passing second. I mean mama was just her baby sitter when she was little, so is it supposed to fuel my hopes of becoming friends with her again? Maybe it shouldn't but I can't stop imagining her with me every time. It's tormenting but surprisingly, I enjoy this torment as long as she sticks with me.

It's been fifteen years Logan, but the image is still fresh on my mind and it's freaking tormenting. Her parents would glare at us to stay away from her but we always climbed back in through her window.

I bet you recall that awful bee sting she got the first time she came to our house which left a dark patch on her skin. It was as clear as day when I carried her in, there's no way it wouldn't be her.

Why does fate have to make things fall into place like that? After all that happened, I had to meet her again? If I was given the chance, I don't know if I'd regret meeting her again. Were we destined to meet again? Then why didn't she meet you? I wish you were alive to meet her. Then you'd still be her super Logan and I'd remain the mean Lucas who pushed her off the swing.

I also wish mama was also alive to see the baby she raised, now grown and still lonely. More lonely than before. All those times mama would make her eat extra pancakes just to make her happy and feel special. I know she'd be proud to see her transformed into a rich and influential lady but what's all of it if she's still lonely?

The pathetic excuses for her parents finally had a divorce as soon as mama died and she moved out with her mum to live in that rich neighbourhood across the street. As if that wasn't enough, she left her to take care of herself for all those years.

The moment she told me, I got so pissed that I almost lost it and it scared me. I promised to not be soft for anyone but it feels like a punishment for not taking care of her.

She lost all the glow she had before and now, she's like a lifeless person who can't even recognize herself. Why do bad things happen to good people?

If only I could take her pain away. It hurt seeing her like that. Weak, dejected and unhappy. Why couldn't she just be happy?

I swear if I got a hold of that douche that pushed Neveah into that water, I'm too sure we'll both end up in prison which I wouldn't mind. Or one of us could end up dead. If he never had respect for human life, I'd show him how it feels like to lose it.

The only thing on my mind now is finding him and showing him his place in whichever state he's in but she's not going to agree to it. She needs me by her side and no matter how much I want to punch him senseless, I'd choose to stay with her to protect her.

He's the reason all this is happening to her and I wish he'd rot in jail if I can't give Neveah justice for her death.

I'd give everything to protect her and keep her safe and it means trouble. The trouble I don't want to start, no matter how much my heart warms for her.

I still feel it every time like before. I feel eyes on me every time but I can't find who it is but it is him and I'm scared. I've never been scared of him after he killed you, I still want to watch him die in my hands like he did to you and I'm still looking forward to seeing that day. I've been waiting for far too long and the more he keeps stalking me, the more I'm getting my fists ready for him in any way he'd attack.

After that day, I'd get the justice that you deserve and dad will stop blaming himself for everything, even if I end up rotting away in prison, I know I'd have fought the good fight by then. Every bruise and scar I get from fighting is more inspiration for me to continue because when I finally grab him by the collar, he's going to regret ever messing with my family.

I'm only scared because of Allison. I can't drag her into this with me, no matter how much I want to be the one for her. No matter how much I want her to be mine in every freaking way possible. I'm sure you're laughing wherever you are now because I'm admitting to liking somebody.

I liked her when we were little anyway, I was too scared to admit it even though you played matchmaker and plan dates for us. You always knew I wasn't enough for her and it's not any different now. I've never been and will never be enough for her. She deserves a good guy, not a guy who fights in anticipation to kill someone, not someone who doesn't even have a future.

She deserves an actor, or an athlete with a lot of money to spoil her in all the ways she deserves. Not me. A guy who's life is lying in the hands of the same person that murdered his brother.

Today like any other day, I'll shake off the feelings and stay on the sidelines, protecting her. It's more peaceful knowing she's going to sleep without crying over anything, which is why I'm not going to give up on restoring that glow and that happiness she once had.

She deserves it.

I'm supposed to publish this tomorrow but here you are. I couldn't wait to just do it, I hope you enjoyed it. Please tell me if you still hate Lucas because I'm more in love with him. And the loss of his brother, Logan is really sad.

All criticisms are allowed, tell me what you think, what you like or didn't like. I promise to give you a reply soon. Tell me what you are expecting and I'll give you a little hint on what is to come