Dear Neveah,

14. Dear Nevaeh

Dear Neveah,

Why do things have to go this way? It feels like I'm falling into a deep black hole and I can't save myself. Like there's no more rope to hang on to like I'll fall and I won't be able to rise. If I had to wish for a single thing what is it going to be?

Is it going to be that I don't want to give up on caring about him? It occupied my thoughts the past nights and after yesterday I don't know if things are going to change.

It's beautiful yet hot to go close to. Like fire. It looks beautiful from afar when the flames lick up every surface on the sticks but hot when you get close. That's how it is.

He's like a puzzle but how long will I show him how much I care for him before he realizes he has to take care of himself?

He's like a dream I don't want to wake up from. It's infuriating how I can't keep my mind off him, wondering how he's doing, what his parents will say about the bruises all over him, what about what he feels for himself? Do questions consume him as they do me? It's worrisome.

I feel too much and it scares me. It knocks me into deep oblivion, shaking me out of reality. The need to protect him overpowered me which is yet not anything I could control. Is it that I'm falling for him even when he hasn't noticed me?

One of my greatest fears is to be like my parents. They drew away from each other like plagues. If I entertain the feelings for him, won't we end up in the same situation? It freaks me out thinking about it. Maybe it's best if I don't think about it because I'm giving up everything I feel. It's for the better.

He showed up in school today late and I succeeded in ignoring him but it wasn't entirely. I couldn't get the image of his beaten-up body yesterday out of my head. I don't think I could make a complete sentence without asking him about yesterday so I let it go. I let talking to him go.

Purple bruise paints right under his left eye, little bruises pepper his cheeks and a short cut on his chin. It attracted lots of attention. It scared me, Neveah. Was he having a throbbing headache? I wondered. I couldn't talk, I could only hope he gets better.

Right when I finally got the nerve to move away from him, my car decided not to move. That was the last thing I wanted to happen to me while he's less than two metres away from me.

It was devastating knowing I couldn't do anything about it but I needed to go home. I could always take a cab but I felt eyes on me. His eyes, boring holes into my back.

His footsteps came closer and I buried my face in my palms. I didn't want to feel what I felt when he's close. When his intoxicating scent chokes me. I had no option left, he grabbed my bag from the hood of my car before I got the chance to leave.

My eyes followed him till he got to his car. After opening the door with ease, he threw the bag a little roughly into the back and left the passenger door open, that was my cue to get in. I know but I was held back for a second. It was clear I couldn't get over it like I wanted because that moment, I wanted to get lost in his scent of sweat, smoke and faint cologne.

In his car, his dominating scent filled me to the uttermost edge where I couldn't think anymore. I wanted to stay in there with him. It was near the point of mental death knowing I had committed myself to something I wasn't sure I could keep.

The ride was quiet and slow. Like it was supposed to mean something. Was it? What was going through his head? Was he picking me up because he felt I was devasted and needed and ride home? Or because he wanted to spend time together. Was that the time where he was supposed to start talking about something? He didn't. Only the wind blowing my hair into a mess and my mind into a time ticking bomb that could blow off anytime.

Neither of us spoke, I leaned in into the comfortable leather seats more and stared out of the window, continuing to wonder. Could I handle the heat that came with him? The mystery that rhymed with his name? It was frightening yet adorable how a single man could keep a poised expression even in his worries.

The car came to a halt and I wish it didn't. He didn't look at me even once, didn't say a word. Was I expecting better? I couldn't. I quickly grabbed my bag from the back and stepped out, turning my head to look at his but his head was on the steering wheel.

How did he know where I stayed? That also remained a mystery to me because I didn't think he'd be the type to stalk me. Is it something to be happy about? He's a mystery.

Yours truly,
Alli.

Sorry for the late update, I had a real lot to deal with, I hope this chapter makes up for it. I'm already in love with the two, what about you? Tell me what you think about them.

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