The Art of Pretending

Chapter Fifteen

Blair POV.
•••

   It takes us an hour to get to the cliff. I've heard about this cliff before. Natalie used to invite me to go to it during the summers to swim. There's a lake below it, but it's not a safe cliff to jump from. Way too high.

   "We are here."

   We all hop out of Emma's car. There's already a lot of people here and the sun is down. There's a huge bonfire in the center. Grayson heads over and fills up a cup with alcohol.

   "Don't you think we've all had enough?" I joke walking over.

   "Everyone likes me best when I'm absolutely shit faced." Was his reply. "I like myself best when I am too drunk to think about how shitty I actually am."

   He heads over to the edge of the cliff and I follow. We sit down with our legs hanging off. There's a slight path under us, but if we really wanted to we could probably jump over it into the water.

   "I don't think you're shitty." I say looking out to the water.

   "I am."

   "If it makes you feel better, so am I. I'm a fuck up."

   He turns his head and looks at me, he lets out a low laugh. "I'm a fuck up too."

   I look over to him and see sadness in his eyes, mine probably have the same look. "My dad thinks I'm a fuck up." I start, it might be because of the alcohol but I find it comforting opening up to Grayson. He doesn't say anything but turns his head looking back to the water.

   "My dad hates me."

   "But I thought, you and him always hangout. Like that time we all went to the beach, Natalie said.."

   "I lied." I tell him "My dad's always gone, he honestly can't stay more than a couple days in the same house of me. I'm just a walking reminder of what he lost, my mom. He thinks I'm a terrible kid, even with the straight A's and doing everything he tells me, I'm still a fuck up to him."

   "My older brother, Jake" Grayson starts to say, "He was one of the triplets, the youngest one. He was born a day later then the other triplets, so he always felt like he was left out. My other siblings, Drew and Gracie had this close bond. So Jake and I were close, by default."

   "He was my best friend. But I got in rough shit, with drugs and stuff years ago. I was hanging with the wrong crowd. I was barley in high school, this was after my first breakup with Ashlyn. She lied to me about me being her first, and then broke up with me. I didn't handle it well, it was rough."

   "He called me a fuck up. Said I was fucking up my life before it even started. He was right. One time he caught me in a really fucked up state. I'd taken too many drugs and wasn't stopping. He told me if I didn't stop he'd join me. I laughed and obviously didn't believe him. He was captain of the football team, he had straight A's."

   "And he snorted a line of coke for the first time that night. He liked it, and we started using together. I got him fucking hooked on drugs. He was missing practices, his grades were slipping. Me the fuck up, fucked up his life. He od'd one night. That's when I decided to clean up my act. I tried helping him stop but he was too hooked on all the shit. Even almost after dying, he wouldn't give it up. He's in rehab right now."

   "My dad blames me for it, he doesn't say it but I know he does, I'm his fuck up."

   I knew he needed to rant it all out, he didn't need my comments or reassurance.