chapter 19 - too many what ifs

1.3K 47 9
                                    

"you must be Skylar Carter, right?" said the secretary as Billie and i walked into the building.

"yeah, that's me"

"hello Billie, long time no see" she greeted my girlfriend. i guess they knew each other since Billie used to come here.

"Mr. Olszanski is waiting for you in his office, you may go in"

"do you want me to stay here Skylar?" Billie asked.

"whatever works for you baby. if you wanna leave, i'll just call you when i'm done"

"nah, it's fine, i'll wait"

i nodded and slowly walked towards the office. my body was shaking slightly and i could feel my temperature rising. i was extremely nervous

"good morning Skylar"

i walked into the office to see a man probably around his 40s smiling at me. yeah, that's Mr. Olszanski.

"good morning Mr. Olszanski"

"you can call me Leandro. take a sit."

"oh okay, thank you" i said as i sat on a chair opposite him.

"so Billie told me some things on the phone, do you have your diagnosis paper with you?"

"of course, here you are" i replied and passed him a folder with some paperwork in it.

"hm, severe depression, anxiety disorder, suicidal thoughts. you know what all these mean, right?"

"yes, Mr. Olszan- Leandro, i am aware"

"okay, great. this is gonna be a lot of work but you can do it. we will start off with some general questions. how is your relationship with your family Skylar?"

"terrible" i chuckled. "they kicked me out because i am a lesbian so this explains it all"

"and how this event affected your mental health?"

"well-" i hesitated at first. it felt weird to open up to some random man. but that's how therapy works, right? i had no other choice.

"my only friend lives in Michigan and i don't have relatives who aren't homophobic so i had no where to go. i felt helpless. i had never felt like this before. i already knew my parents where homophobic, that's why i spent my whole life hiding it from them. i know i am an adult now and can have my own independent life but i couldn't think clearly at that moment. and then suicidal thoughts flooded my mind. i almost jumped off a bridge"

"was this the first time you ever had suicidal thoughts?"

__________

we spent the next 2 hours talking about my family and my past. we didn't really talk about the present and my relationship with Billie but i knew it would come in another session.

when i walked out of the office Billie was still there, scrolling through her phone.

"baby, i'm done" i whispered as i got closer to her.

"ugh fucking finally. not gonna lie babe, i got bored as fuck" she groaned.

"you offered to stay, not my fault" i teased her.

"i know, i know" she chuckled.

without letting me to say anything she got up, grabbed my hand and led us to her car.

as long as i'm here / / billie eilishWhere stories live. Discover now