as long as i'm here / / billie eilish

chapter 21 - room 313

no one was at home. i sobbed on the floor. i ruined everything. i never should have entered her life.

i started collecting my stuff and placing it in my bags. i needed to leave this house. i needed to protect Billie and her family. i needed to protect them from me.

when i finally managed to grab as much of my stuff as i could find i took my bags and headed to my car. i placed the bags on the truck and sat on the driver's seat. i started the car and left. i parked at a random parking lot, pulled out my phone and opened safari.

"cheap motels near me" i typed on the search bar.

i clicked on the first website that popped up and went to see if they had anything available.

fuck, nothing.

i decided to call the second motel that popped up instead of checking their website.

"Rose Bowl motel, how can i help you?"

"hello, i'd like to book a room for tonight"

"um for tonight. how many beds to you want?"

"just one. i want the cheapest room you have"

"okay, let's see what i have available. give me a minute" the receptionist said. " luckily, i have an one-bed room available. how many nights are you gonna stay?".

"uh" i hesitated. i didn't even know. "seven days" i finally answered. if i needed to stay longer, i'd find another room for sure.

"okay, this will be 55$ per night"

"that's perfect, thank you"

"what's your name, ma'am?

"Skylar Carter"

"okay, thank you. your room will be available after 12pm"

"thank you" i said and ended the call. it was almost 11am. i had to wait a whole hour. this situation kind of felt like when i got kicked out.

i decided to call Autumn so i wouldn't get bored. they had been kind of distant recently, which made me feel extremely lonely at times.

i let the phone ring about four times until Autumn finally picked it up.

"hey Autumn!"

"oh, hi Skylar. what's up?"

"i'm good" the lie slipped out of my mouth casually. "you?".

"i'm really good. my friends and i are leaving for summer vacations tomorrow and i am so excited!".

"oh really? you didn't tell me about it the other day when i called you".

"sorry, i forgot" they said dryly.

"where are you going by the way?" i asked, hoping for the answer to be LA.

"Hawaii. we're going to Hawaii".

disappointment.

"oh that's cool. Hawaii must be a fucking amazing place. i really wanna go there one day".

"yeah, it's pretty cool i suppose".

ugh, why so fucking dry, c'mon.

"anyway, the other day Billie and i-" i wanted to tell her about one date we went on about a week ago but they interrupted me.

"sorry Skylar but i really gotta go. my friends are waiting for me and i don't wanna be late. bye!".

"um okay. bye". they probably didn't even heard those words because they hanged up so fast.

damn, i lost another person. actually, i lost everyone. i lost everything. that night at the bridge, i should have died. she shouldn't have saved me. it would be better now. for all of us.

tears started streaming down my face. it was the first time in a while when i didn't feel safe. she wasn't there to protect me. she wasn't there to hold me and hug me and kiss me. i left her but i did it for the better, right?

right?

while these thoughts were on my mind i got a text from Billie.

"the meeting is so fucking long, i am bored as fuck. i miss your fine ass already. i won't be done soon, sorry babe. will be there at 12 or 1. mwahhhh".

i missed her already too. little did she know. my poor Billie.

no, i had made my decision. i left for the better and nothing would ever make me go back. i'm easy to be forgotten, anyway.

after some more crying in my car, i could finally go to the motel. i started the engine and put the location on my gps. the motel was only 15 minutes away. fuck, i needed to be even farther away from her.

"hello, how can i help you?" asked the woman behind the reception counter.

"my name is Skylar Carter" i said pulling out my id. "i booked a room for today"

"give me one minute to check, please" she said and looked through the computer in front of her. "yeah, an one-bed room for seven days, right?" she asked and i nodded in response.

"here this is the card you will use to unlock the door. if you need anything just call for service from the phone you'll find in your room. give your luggage to the man right there, he will carry them to your room for you. enjoy your stay here!".

"thank you!" i said, grabbed the card and passed my bags to the man.

'room 313' was written on the card.

i took the elevator to the third floor and after a couple of minutes of searching i found my room. i unlocked it using the card and got in.

the bathroom was on my right, just next to the door. all the tiles and walls were different shades of blue. the shower was so small, it would be a struggle to move in there. on my left there was another door which when i opened i realized it was the closet. a small hallway leaded to the main and only room where there was a bed, a nightstand, a mirror and a small office.

well, that would be my home for the following week or maybe for longer.

or maybe for shorter.

i spent the next hour setting down some of my stuff and changing into something more comfortable. when i finally decided to relax my phone rang. it was Billie.

my heartbeat rose, my breath shortened and i felt my muscles tightened. i debated whether i should answer or not but i held my ground and stayed away from her.

i was keeping her safe, right?

she called again

and again

and again

but i never answered.

then, she texted me.

"baby i just got home but you aren't here. where are you? please answer my calls".

i couldn't help but feel guilty. she was probably so worried about me but i didn't even give her a sign that i was alive and okay.

maybe leaving was a terrible decision or maybe everything would work out after a couple of days. i would find out soon.

A/N: how do you guys feel about Skylar leaving Billie's house?

tomorrow is the last day of school and i will finally be able to write more often :D