a darker kind of goodbye

dont do it

pluto is with them at annas house btw

also tw for this chapter ⚠️

Evas POV:
after anna introduced me again to her parents as her girlfriend i felt a huge smile stumble across my face

we talked for a bit until anna and me went back to her room

e: wait i have one more thing for you
a: really more bubs you didnt have to do all this
e: anna you deserve the world and this is just a little appreciation for everything you do

i tell her to turn around and i grab the neckalace and clasp it on her neck

a: i love it

we watch movies for another hour till anna slowly puts her hand higher up my thigh

i pull her closer to me so we make eye contact and kiss slowly but it soon turns into making out and we are halfway undressed until my phone starts ringing

a: please dont get it
e: its probably important
a: okay fine

i get up to grab my phone and its an unknown number but i still answer

e: hello
?: is this eva cudmore
e: yea thats me why
?: this is the michigan police department
e: um is everything okay
pd: your mother has been arrested
e: why was she arrested
pd: for vehicular manslaughter while intoxicated
e: oh my god um is there really anything i can do?
pd: well in the system is says your 18 so you do not need to be put into the foster care system if you are in stable living conditions
e:um i am, is there a way i can speak to my mom?
pd: at the moment no but maybe in a week when her trial is
e: okay thank you sir
pd: no problem

a: who was it?
e: the fuckin police
a: why what happend
e: my mom was arrested
a: oh my god um are you okay
e: i mean me and my mom werent even close anyway but i dont have my dad either so idk what to do
a: hey its okay ill talk with my parents and we will figure something out

i dont think i can handle so much

my mom was really just full of shit

where am i gonna live now since i dont have a job and i cant pay bills to maintain myself

why does everything have to fall apart when im trying to do my best

Annas POV:
after that phone call i decided to go talk to my parents about everything and what we could do to help eva. they agreed to let her stay here with us for as long as she needs which is really nice of them considering this was all just a suprise to them but i dont even wanna imagine what eva is going through right now so i just need to focus on being extra nice to her and give her kisses

*next day

i have to talk to eva about everything that happened last night

everything is probably overwhelming her

a: hey eva wake up ( i said lightly shaking her)
e: what happend (she said as she rubbed her eyes)
a: nothing happend i just wanted to wake you up because we have school
e: can we please skip babe
a: cmon its just this week and then its already winter break and i have a suprise for us
e: okay fine but can we skip first period cause i need to do some stuff
a: okay sure im gonna shower
e: im gonna go next door to get something but ill meet you at your car so just text me
a: ok

Evas POV:⚠️tw again⚠️

i really dont wanna go back to my old habits

i walked to my house and went to my room and started looking for it and i kept looking but i forgot where i put it since i havent used it in a while before everything had gone downhill

it all started to get better and she had to fuck up but no no this wasnt just some little fuck up she went to jail for murder and its not any better when i dont have a dad or any other family

i just cant hate her though i try and try to hate her but i just physically cant hate her idk why

i start throwing everything on the floor making a whole big mess trying to find it im not sure why i kept it i didnt think i would ever need to use it again since we moved but i was completely wrong

finally i found it

i went to the bathroom and open it and sit on the toilet lid i need to hurry up anna would kill me if she found out what i was doing

its my bag full of razor blades, needles and lighters this might sound bad but i swear it i its.. its not i just need something

i take one blade out and start cutting on my ankle as i watch the blood slowly pour out on my skin and at this point im already crying and i just cant help it

i had forgotten about my scars, so many all over my body they are my only permanent

i always look for scars on peoples wrists maybe we could be alike. i always seem to find silent comfort knowing im not alone

i always push people away if they dont do it to me first because i believe no one could ever truly love me but i guess thats what my parents taught me, how am i supposed to know what true love feels like if every interaction ive had with people has always led me to wanting to kill myself and its not easy having these constant thoughts about how shitty i have it because of how fucked up my parents made it for me and maybe they had reason to do it

anna called me

e: um hello
a: hey bub are you ready to go?
e: um yea ill be out in 5 mins
a: ok ill wait in the car

shit i gotta clean my ankle up

i grab some wet paper towels and clean off the blood with it, it burns but its whatever

i put a band aid over my ankle

i change my clothes and go outside to annas car

Annas POV:
i watch as eva approaches my car but it looks like she has been crying

she sits down but i cant help but say

a: hey look its gonna be okay dont cry. everything will turn out good
e: anna i wanna believe that but its bullshit i know i might not have it as bad compared to other people but anna its not just some little magical world where everything you want goes your way because the hard truth is that its not anything like that and its not gonna be okay so you dont have to try to lie to me telling me that everything is gonna be okay

i stay silent

shes right she absolutely right

i just dont wanna see her go through that

a: your right i know its not like that but i just wanna have some sort of hope that it could turn out all okay but the sad and real truth is that we dont know exactly what is gonna happen but i dont want that to ruin us
e: i love you
a: i love you
a: i decided that maybe we should skip today as a little mental health day for you and i will give you any space you might need
e: thank you bubs
a: no thank you

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this is a very sensitive topic

self harm is a serious thing that many people struggle with

my messages are open if anyone needs to talk

1328 words