The Blue Orchid Years

Chapter 33: A Pair of Finches

Kenta dropped by again several hours after the sunset. He brought a parcel of assorted fruits.

"You're being way too generous, you know. Arigatou gozaimasu. But I didn't expect to have you visit me without Johan. What is he up to?"

"Dou itashimashite. Johan is busy tonight, but he told me to check on you."

"I can't shake this feeling that there's something you're not telling me." I said as I peeled an orange. "How is he holding up, really? You can be honest with me. If he gets mad at you for talking with me about his issues, then tell him to speak with me. I'm not letting him breakdown alone because he sure as heck never left me alone when I went through my own breakdown."

"Returning the favor, I see!" Kenta flashed me his signature smile, which vanished as quickly as it appeared. "Johan has been seeing a counselor after many psychosis episodes in a row. He suffers from visual and auditory hallucination, as well as a delusion born of paranoia. He has been rejecting physical affection from me because he's adamant I'm gonna die if I touch him."

"That's rough, you not being able to touch him." I replied. "What exactly does Johan hallucinate about? I'd assume it has something to do with Sherlyn?"

"You're very astute as always, Nardho. Yeah, he hears voices. In one especially nightmarish episode, he thought he heard Sherlyn sang the lesser known stanzas of You Are My Sunshine but most of the words were modified and in past tense. The lines that frightened him shitless were these: I had loved you and made you happy, but you never said the same. You left me to love another, now you'll regret it all. Then he thought he saw a glimpse of her jeering at him while derisively whispering you had my hearts inside of your hands and you played it to the beat. I have no clue what that last line was from, do you know?"

"It seems to be a line from an ancient song. Wait, let me think." I mentally went through the list of songs my mom had exposed me to through her obscure archeological research into the 21st century. "Rolling In The Deep. It's from a singer called Adele. Funny how Sherlyn knew that song, she didn't strike me as 21st century enthusiast, then again she might have taken an archeology class or something. But back to Johan. Does counseling help him a bit?"

"His psychosis episodes are not as frequent now. He used to have them like five days in a week, but now the frequency has gone down to like three days a week. Unfortunately, those episodes are still disturbing, no doubt. It pains me that I can't even comfort Johan by hugging him."

"I'm so sorry that this affects you too, Kenta, but if the counseling sessions work maybe he'll gradually let you be affectionate with him again. In the meantime, maybe try to find some non-physical ways to show your love? What about bento boxes? You still make them regularly?"

"I do. His appetite is almost non-existent nowadays but he still tries his best to finish my cooking and he often apologizes for having psychosis episodes." Kenta sighed before glancing at his wristwatch. "By the way, it's getting late. I shouldn't keep you up, Nardho. Good night."

"Good night. Tell Johan not to give up on getting better."

---

"Perched on a steady branch of a magnolia tree, a finch wails in sorrow..."

Mom was singing sweetly as she stood over the sink, washing the rice she would use to make chicken porridge. I hummed along as I watched her pour the washed rice over a fine-mesh sieve. She turned her head to face me and smiled before asking what I was doing in the kitchen.

"I want you to teach me how to cook, mom!" I said. "And maybe while we're cooking you can also teach me the rest of that song about a finch. Why is the bird wailing?"