The Blue Orchid Years

Chapter 37: An Overabundance of Empathy

"Are you still mad at Johan, honey?"

I was cooking pancakes in the kitchen when Moira came in, giving me a hug out of the blue and asking me that question. Turning the heat to medium low, I sighed before contemplating what to tell her. My brother and I had a history of butting heads, that much Moira could tell, but this time it was less of a simple case of agreeing to disagree and more of my not understanding his reasoning for being forgiving. How could I when we knew he was not at his best mental state?

"Johan and I being unable to see eye to eye is nothing new." I finally said as I scooped more of the pancake mix and made another fresh batch of the breakfast classic. "And you're right that I'm mad at him. No, actually, scratch that. It's more like I'm mad at myself for not being able to figure out why he takes kindness to an absolute extreme. Does his patience know no limit?"

"Perhaps he sees himself in Linda." Moira replied as she took out a box of strawberries from the fridge and cut the fruits into halves. "It's not improbable, is it? Maybe he's an empath and puts himself in her shoes, although you're correct that his empathetic nature is too much. You know what, though? If you're this worried, why don't you go with him and Kenta?"

"I'm not sure if I could keep my emotions in check if I see Linda's face." I answered as I flipped the golden brown pancakes. "And what worries me is not so much her hurting Johan but him hurting himself by believing that he can fix her. Some people are beyond fixing. Take our dad, for instance. Dad has never come around and realized how wrong it was to resent his own son just for loving another man. He took that resentment to the grave, that's how resentful he was."

"It seems to me your brother has a savior complex or a need to feel needed." Moira responded while helping me plate the fluffy pancakes and drizzle maple syrup on top. "He probably thinks of his inability to change your dad's mind as a personal failure and is now trying to make up for it by making it his mission to show Linda the right path, you know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean. He always takes care of others, that was why he signed up to be a resident assistant when we were younger, but who would take care of him? Yes, he has Kenta now, but he has to learn to take care of himself too in case something happens to that angel."

"Nardho, are you saying that Kenta has been spoiling him rotten?"

"Unfortunately, yes." I muttered as I cut my pancake into bite-sized chunks before stabbing a piece with my fork. "He rarely says no to Johan and you saw yourself how instead of putting his feet down in the court he decided to go along with this whole plan of visiting Linda in jail."

"I trust Kenta. He's smart, I'm sure he knows what he's doing." Moira reached out across the table to squeeze my hand. "It's possible he thinks Johan will never learn until he sees for himself how changing people's hearts is not his job. Experience is the best teacher, isn't that the saying?"

"Fair enough." I forced a smile. "We shall see how this prison visitation unfolds. Now that you've reassured me, I think I'm going to see Linda too. Not because I believe she's redeemable, but because I want to know what else she still has to say to us that was left unspoken at court."

---

I have always known that life behind bars must be glum, but nothing could have prepared me for this repugnant and dingy place. The cell Linda was held in had poor lighting and the tight space made me feel a little claustrophobic. Luckily, the guard escorted us to a slightly bigger room. This one was also grimy and shabby, but at least it didn't make me feel trapped like a caged hamster. There was a table with five chairs surrounding it. The table looked old and was covered in graffiti, mostly swear words but also drawings of hangman and some phallic sketches. Someone must have felt very bored out of their mind. That or they had no creativity at all. On a second thought, prison environment didn't exactly lend itself to the growth of creative minds.