The Blue Orchid Years

Chapter 13: "It's Not You, It's Me"

Author's note: We are still in teenage Nardho's POV. I'm giving him a negative character arc but it's temporary. He will have happy days once he's done being stubborn, I promise. Also, if you have partners please don't be violent to them--it's hurtful. 

September 10th 2626

Dear mom,

For the past few days, I have been asking myself if Moira is happy with how our relationship is going. We haven't spent much time together lately. I have been using most of my free time going to Gibran's  and Risma's offices to catch up on things I miss in their classes. I have been unable  to focus  during lectures. Also, this sophomore project I have with Hamza et al demands too much mental energy.

I know I am falling apart. Among all of my friends, Rain is the most perceptive one. They keep urging me to re-consider my course load and my major. They are not wrong but the problem is I don't even know what I want. I chose to study biochemistry because I am good at writing lab reports but on the other hand I can also see myself pursuing a career as a musician. Perhaps I can major in both? No, no, bad idea. I can hardly handle one major, what makes me think I can handle two? Maybe a music minor is more manageable?

As cliché as it is to say this, mom, I believe there are two roads diverging in the forest and I'm conflicted over--

A knock on the door stopped me from finishing my e-mail. It was probably for the better. To be completely honest, I had a second thought about sending such a whiny e-mail to my mom. A nineteen-year-old guy should be able to handle a bit of stress, right? Nardhia majored in biochemistry too and she seemed fine, so I would be fine as well. Heck, speaking of fine, I knew people who were double majors and they didn't complain about it.

"May I come in?" Moira's voice brought me out of my aimless rumination. I let her in and she stared at my laptop's screen. Oh damn, I should have signed off. What now?

"If I were your mom, I would agree with Rain," my girlfriend began, "it is awesome that you're good at your chosen major, but if you start to lose interest in it then maybe it's better to switch gear."

I debated over whether or not to bring up my doubt about our relationship and decided that since things were already going downhill for me I might as well see how much worse it could get.

"I can't be your boyfriend anymore." I blurted. "I mean it. We aren't gonna work in the long run."

"Excuse me?!" Moira growled and stepped closer. "What gives you the right to end this one-sidedly?"

"It's too much. I'm dealing with tons of stressors and I don't wanna drag you down with my personal drama."

"You don't want to drag me down?" She scoffed and her voice rose higher. "The only person you're dragging down is yourself! Right now what you need isn't to push me away but to work on your dilemma."

"It's not your job to fix me. Besides, I've given you enough trou--" before I could finish my argument Moira's hand landed on my cheek. Did I just get slapped? The scalding pain answered my question. 

Wow. I underestimated the things she would and wouldn't do.

"Asshole!" She scolded as she fisted her hands on her sides. "You think I'll just leave you in the dark just because you're too dense to realize how far gone you've been?"

"If the table is flipped, wouldn't you want me to give up on you? Wouldn't you expect me to grow tired of being with someone who is self-absorbed?"

"Nardho Sitohang, you're officially the most frustrating person in the whole solar system." She was still frowning but her eyes no longer reflected anger. Was she... pitying me? Was she... trying to make me change my mind? But she just called me frustrating!