endgame - vmon/taejoon

6. PAST

THEN.

Namjoon is fifteen years old when he first kisses a boy.

"How do you know that you're bi?" He asks Taehyung once. They're sitting on a thick wall in a construction site; Taehyung's legs are dangling off the edge and Namjoon's are folded to his chest. "You've never even kissed a boy."

Taehyung shrugs. "I just know. I don't really see gender as a factor. I like people."

"You say that but how do you know you like boys?" Namjoon presses. "Boys are different from girls. How do you know you like them?"

"Maybe I'm wrong," Taehyung sighs, leaning backwards. "Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm older. But right now, I know I don't care about that. I don't see boys as different from girls. I know I like boys because if I ever find a boy who's cute and funny, I'll like him. It doesn't matter that he's a boy. I know straight guys don't think like that, so I'm not straight."

"Okay," Namjoon mumbles, resting his chin on his knee.

Taehyung lets out a groan and turns towards him. "Are you gon' be weird now?"

"No?"

"Then why're you asking me all that suddenly?" He asks. "I thought you didn't care about the whole bi thing."

"I don't! I care about you." Namjoon glares. "And I'm just... curious."

"Curious?"

"Yeah," Namjoon shrugs. "Your sister — she's trans and it's why you've always known about these... LGBT things. I don't. I don't even know where to start researching because mum monitors the internet because of the... you know."

Taehyung chuckles. "I know. It's insane. Why do you wanna research anyway?"

"I think I'm bi, too."

Silence. Taehyung blinks.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not a hundred percent sure if I am, though, if I like guys," Namjoon admits quietly, "but... yeah. Yeah, I think so."

"How did you know?"

"I thought about him ever since the first day you told me," Namjoon answers him. "And I realised I kinda have... a crush..? On you..?"

Taehyung blinks again. "You do?"

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah!" Taehyung instantly tells him. "That's... okay. That's more than okay. I'm actually honoured."

Namjoon rolls his eyes and looks away, blushing slightly. "It's not a big deal," he mutters, feeling the weight of Taehyung's stare on his face.

Taehyung keeps staring.

"What?"

"Nothing! It's just..." Taehyung begins. "I kinda have a crush on you too."

Namjoon turns to look at him, but Taehyung's expression is unreadable. "Really?"

"Yeah," Taehyung says. "I thought it's obvious."

"It's not. How— why?"

"Why do I like you?"

"Yes?"

"You're just..." Taehyung tries, "I don't know. You're my best friend and you — you make me feel safe, sometimes. I like that. And I like spending time with you and listening to your voice. And you're pretty smart and open-minded."

"You're the open-minded one," Namjoon points out, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"You're still open-minded too," Taehyung says. "And you're cute. You're pretty."

"Boys can't—" Namjoon stops himself. "Well. They can. You definitely are."

"I am?"

"Pretty, too. You are pretty."

Taehyung grins, and Namjoon smiles back softly.

"Maybe you are bi."

Namjoon shrugs. "I don't know if I like boys. I've never even kissed a boy."

"You like me," Taehyung tells him. "And I think we can change that."

They do. Namjoon nods, swallowing his nerves, and Taehyung leans in slowly, resting his weight on his palms, and then, "can I?"

"Yeah," Namjoon breathes out, and leans in too. They meet halfway through, and Namjoon closes his eyes when he feels Taehyung's lips press against his. He opens his eyes when Taehyung moves away. It doesn't last long; it feels like all he did was blink.

He touches his lips with his fingertips, then looks at Taehyung and grins; he grins so hard he can feel his jaw ache and his dimple dig deep into his cheeks. Taehyung grins back at him, bright and full of life. Namjoon takes Taehyung's hand in his, and neither of them lets go of the other's hand for hours.

Hours later, when they're not holding hands anymore and Namjoon's alone again, he can still feel the shadow of Taehyung's lips pressing against his own. Maybe that's what they mean when they say everything can change within the blink of an eye. That's how long their kiss has lasted, but Namjoon knows everything is different now.

Namjoon is fifteen years old when he first realises he's bisexual.

—

thoughts?

if ur comfortable with answering this: if ur lgbt, how old were u when u realised it or started questioning ur sexuality/gender?