endgame - vmon/taejoon

15. PRESENT

length: 1.8k words
trigger warnings for: biphobia and mentions of a past death.

p.s. the poem in the previous chapter is lyrics from taehyung's sweet night :)
—

NOW.

Namjoon hates lying to his kid, but when he goes to pick up Jimin from her poetry class the next day, he finds himself in one of those rare situations where telling the truth will do more harm than good.

"She did?" Jimin repeats, after Namjoon tells her that yes, her mother, Namjoon's ex-girlfriend knew about his bisexuality. "Well... how did she react? Was she cool?"

She wasn't. She definitely wasn't.

"She was," Namjoon lies, because she's six feet under the ground and the truth is buried with her. He doesn't want Jimin to dig it out, because if there's one thing he can forever shelter her from, it's this. "She didn't care at all."

"Do you think she'd be cool with me being bi or gay too?"

Namjoon pauses, because that's something he needs to think about. Jimin's mother wasn't really a bigot — she was just insecure. She was young, she was confused. When he told her he was bi, she was just worried he'd end up cheating or 'realising' he's actually 'just gay' before leaving her all alone with a baby.

Eventually, she was the one who left him all alone with a baby.

"Yeah, I think so," Namjoon says, and it's the truth. She was just insecure, but there's no way in hell she wouldn't accept Jimin the way she is. If anything, "she'd be proud of you. For everything."

"You don't talk a lot about her," Jimin tells him. "Do you miss her? Do you still love her? Is that why you never had any girlfriends — or boyfriends — ever since I was—"

"I miss her," Namjoon cuts her off, "of course, I do. I loved your mum and she was my best friend, too. I think she's still here, watching over you."

"What if she's mad?" Jimin asks, her voice low. "She sacrificed her life for me. What if she thinks I wasn't worth it?"

"Jimin. Don't ever say that."

"I'm just saying."

"Well, don't. She loved you more than anything even before you were born, and I know her. I knew her well enough to know that she loves you now, so much, and she's watching over you."

"I thought you don't believe in God."

"I don't," Namjoon shrugs. "But I believe in something. I believe she's out there, watching over you and watching out for you. She's watching for all of us. Remember when you got so sick and we took you to the hospital?"

"You think she was there?" Jimin asks.

"I know she was there."

Jimin smiles and rolls down the window. "Hey mum," she calls out, leaning over and looking at the sky, "I love you."

Namjoon shakes his head, smiling too. "She loves you too. She heard you."

Jimin nods and sits back, rolling up the window. "Is this why you won't move on?"

"What?" Namjoon grows paler.

"Because she's here and you still love her..?"

"No," he sputters out, "Minah, no. I moved on, I know she's gone and it's okay. It's been thirteen years. Why would you say that?"

"Okay, I believe you."

"Why would you say that, Minah?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. It's something Yoongi mentioned ages ago back when he and I were, um, tryna set you up with his friend."