endgame - vmon/taejoon

11. PRESENT

length: 1.2k words

—

NOW.

Namjoon half-carries Jimin to her bed then returns to the living room to see that Yoongi has taken over the couch entirely and helped himself to Namjoon's half-full orange juice carton. He lets it slide because that's probably the first time Yoongi has drunk orange juice in a year.

"One hell of a movie night, huh," Yoongi points out sarcastically as Namjoon pushes his feet away so he can sit on the other end of the couch.

"Yeah," Namjoon chuckles, "She's exhausted. She woke up early for school today and spent the afternoon writing."

"What about you, though?"

"What about me?" Namjoon tilts his head. "I napped. I took a three-hour nap that felt like a coma. She woke me up with lunch ready."

"She made you lunch?" Yoongi grins. "That's so sweet."

"Ramen."

"Wow. She's growing up," Yoongi says. "She's in highschool."

"She's in highschool," Namjoon mumbles, throwing his head back. "She's in highschool and she knows how to cook ramen. She's already talking about what she wants to study when she graduates. Tomorrow I'm driving her to the LGBT youth meeting — which she's excited about because there's a new instructor and she likes his politics. She cares about politics, hyung. And she's loving poetry more and more everyday. She's growing up too fast."

"You cared about poetry and politics as a teenager, too," Yoongi reminds him, "but yeah, she is."

"Is she?" Namjoon asks again, "I don't want her to. God, I don't know what I want. I don't want her to grow up too fast — I want her to enjoy her childhood. What if it's my fault?"

"What do you mean?" Yoongi asks him. "How is her growing up your fault? How is it even a fault?"

"Too fast. What if she's growing up too fast because she never had a proper childhood? Normal kids have a mum and a dad and — and parents who are financially independent when they have them," Namjoon hides his face. "Parents who are ready to be parents."

"Namjoon. Joon. No parents are just... ready to be parents. And I may not have much experience with parenting, but as someone who's been here from the very beginning, you're good at this. She's normal. She's not growing up too fast, she's just smart, self-aware, and aware of the world around her because that's how you raised her to be. You did a good job."

"Is she, though?" Namjoon lowers his hands. "I napped for three hours and she woke me up with lunch ready. What thirteen year old child makes lunch for their dad?"

"It's ramen. Not a gourmet meal."

"Hyung."

"What? That's sweet. And pretty normal, you know. It happens," Yoongi sits up. "You went home late yesterday, Jin told me. You needed to nap today. She got hungry and made ramen and then decided to make you some too because she's nice like that. Clearly doesn't take after her leech of an uncle. You're a good dad to a great kid. What's the problem here?"

Namjoon sighs. "I don't know. I have no idea. I'm just tired. Anxious."

"It's ramen, Joon. We lived off that shit back in uni."

"Don't even mention uni."

"I think you're scared of Jimin growing up but it's not because you're worried about her not having a normal childhood," Yoongi tries. "She had a great childhood. She's having a great childhood. She has everything she needs and almost everything she has ever asked for."

"Almost?"

"She did want a unicorn for a while, remember? Or when she dreamt she could fly... that was really bad."

"Yeah. I had to keep the balcony's door locked all the time. You know, I still get nervous when she goes out to hang the laundry to dry."

"Damn." Yoongi blinks. "Okay, my point was, that's not what you're afraid of, is it? You know you did your best. You know you're doing better than your parents did, better than how many people out there are doing. Especially considering your situation. Especially considering how so many people thought you'd fail because you were so young, and a man, and still studying. You barely had enough money to support yourself too."

"You supported me. Us. We wouldn't have made it without you," Namjoon quietly tells him. "You still are here. Thank you."

"You're my family, Joon," Yoongi ruffles his hair. "Of course I'm still here. I have nowhere else to be. I wouldn't have made it without you or Jimin either, and you know that."

Namjoon does know; he knows Yoongi has gone through some rough times too, and that he and Jimin were, at some points, Yoongi's anchor to this world. He doesn't like to think about it; he just likes to think about how far Yoongi has gone and how much better he's doing now.

"Why do you think I'm afraid of her growing up too fast?" Namjoon asks instead.

"You're afraid of her growing up. Maybe it's one of those typical parent things... like, knowing that you won't be able to shelter her anymore and that someday you'll watch her go — like a mama bird and her baby birds flying away from the nest."

"I'm not a mama bird," Namjoon frowns. "But this does make sense. I'm a mama kangaroo. Wish I could keep her in my tummy pocket forever."

"Your what?" Yoongi asks, confused. "What the fuck. It's called a pouch, idiot."

"You're a pouch idiot."

"Thanks! This brings us to my second point. You're a fucking baby," Yoongi deadpans. Namjoon huffs but he can't hold back a loud laugh. "You're afraid of growing up, we all are, we all have always been. And now it's scary because you're growing with her as she grows."

Suddenly Namjoon can't see anything he can laugh about. "I am?"

"Sure you are," Yoongi tells him. "You don't see it but I do: you're finally learning to accept yourself including all the parts you've always hated, because you want to be a good role model and teach Minah to accept herself too. You want to love yourself, not just because she loves you, but because you want her to see that and love herself too. That's growth, Joon, and it took you decades to get here."

"I don't know what to say."

"You just need to realise that growing up isn't bad," Yoongi suggests. "Besides, you're not even thirty-five."

"Right. How do you feel about all of this, though?" Namjoon asks him. "Growing up. Growing old. Doesn't it affect you?"

"Oh, I wouldn't know what it's like," Yoongi shrugs and lies down, moving around so that his head is in Namjoon's lap. "Jin and I don't abide by the biological laws of mere mortals like yourself. Do you have more orange juice? I haven't had any in, like, a year, and I need to be healthy. My latest boytoy is a dancer — he's the one Jiminie met the other day," he rambles off. "He's so healthy, Joon. You'd get along, honestly, bond over eating kale and grazing on meadows."

Namjoon knew it. Yoongi wasn't downing OJ like tequila just for the hell of it. He always has an agenda.

And he doesn't ramble unless it's about something he's passionate about. Or someone.

"Latest boytoy?" He inquires, smirking at the instant blush dusting Yoongi's cheeks.

"Technically, I'm his boytoy but I'm tryna empower myself here, so please do shut up."

"Okay," Namjoon muses. "Tell me. Is your latest boytoy a mere mortal like me?"

—

thoughts? i wanted to introduce yoongi :D also mentions of Unknown Sexy Man Dancer hmmmmmmmmmmm wonder who it is mmmmmm

SOO the fic will be around 40 parts including poems/charts >:) n it'll hopefully be completed in around a month or so (n then. ill complete come home to my heart <3)