Nothing but an outline.

Depression

It was nearing the end of December it was cold outside and the day had shortened. Christmas was coming as well as the New Year. There was no snow on the ground, but Clara had high hopes that some would come soon. Eventually, the weather dropped below freezing and stayed that way. Clara was stuck in the house and didn't mind it at first, but over the weeks she had begun to feel down. It got worst when she never heard back from Henry Ford college she immediately applied to after AMDA. Work was slow and her father and her were layed off. The only thing Clara could look forward to each day was talking to Chris. Even with every effort to evade her feelings they only grew. She started flirting with guys again, and even convinced herself she liked one. He wasn't gorgeous but he was cute and had a good heart. She talked to Tommy for a couple weeks and even entertained the idea of dating him. Sure he didn't have a job, or a car, and he still took high school classes, but that didn't matter it was the person that made Clara forget her feelings for Chris if only for a minute. Their friendship was short lived. Tommy became obsessive and would scorn her for even talking to other guys even if she did not know them. Every chance Tommy got he threatened suicide if she stopped talking to him and it was killing her. She had been dealing with suicide for a long time it was like an old friend. Her best friend Lina would constantly tell her how she just wanted to end it all and each time it chipped her armor even more. Clara had contemplated suicide herself, but she didn't go through with it because she felt like others had it worst than her and she could make it if they could. Tommy became poisonous to her health and she cut her ties. He didn't kill himself not after she told him her story of how she was tortured not by kids at school but her own dad. She told him how she had a medical condition when she was little and that her bladder was under developed causing her to pee in the bed. Her dad couldn't quite grasp that concept and beat her with a belt everytime she did it. He always screamed she did it on purpose and beat her so much she didn't even feel the pain anymore. Clara's father had lost when Clara stopped hurting when the belt would hit her skin she became used to the feel of leather against her bear behind. The marks that were left didn't even bother her when she would sit. When he hit her not a tear escaped her eyes she stood emotionless and out of her body. Watching while he beat her senselessly. Eventually, his physical efforts weren't good enough and started to ridicule her and tease her with the idea of putting a sign over her naked body saying "I pee in my bed!" And putting her on the corner for everyone to see. Clara's mother did nothing to stop the torture if she tried he would just choke her like usual. Tommy realized he had been selfish to burden Clara in such a way that he was ok when she told him goodbye. Again she was left with her feelings for Chris and he didn't know he was hurting her. "I don't know why I didn't say this before. I've been talking to this girl online and I dont know why I didn't ask her out sooner." Clara's heart jumped in her chest and hope hid behind her tired eyes. 'Is this happening?! Does he really love me the way i love him?!?!' Clara thought to herself, but her heart shattered when he sent a link to another girls Facebook. She hadn't realized the tears streaming down her face until one landed on her hand. It was warm and she instantly broke down. Her stomach was in knots and she couldn't breathe. Clara looked at the computer, at the woman Chris liked and felt sick. She ran into the living room and fell to the ground she was on her knees bent over on the couch with her face in a pillow screaming. She was suffocating and removed the pillow from her face only to be soaked with tears, they were hot and salty as they dripped down her face, into her mouth, and down on her clothes. She screamed up at the ceiling like someone could hear her calling. "WHY ME?! WHY HIM?! WHY DO I HAVE TO LOVE HIM HE IS SO FAR FROM ME?! I CAN'T EVEN TELL HIM OR I RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP!!! WHY GOD WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME?!?!" Eventually, Clara's voice faded and she couldn't make another sound. She doubled over and held her stomach as the tears kept falling. When they stopped She composed herself like nothing happened and put a smile on her face before her family returned.

                               ***

Clara was barely living. She woke up ever day like a hollow shell a prisoner of her love and of her mind. She would wake up and lay around in her pajamas. At night she showered then put her hair back up in a bun and threw on more pajamas. She had lost all ambition. Clara was having trouble finding a job after being layed off and her best friend, Lina, was slowly slipping away. She spent her time inside watching her baby sister and baby brother while everyone else ran around. It had finally snowed by this time and being inside all the time was getting to her. She slept all day, stayed up all night, and the only thing that kept her going was what killed her most, Chris. Clara was tired of her feelings and wanted to forget them, she turned back to Meet Me where she met a guy named James. He was really cute, tall, black short hair, and a nice body. He wanted to meet Clara really bad and asked her on a date. The day of the date Lina was over and James asked if Lina would want to double date with his friend, Carlos. For the first time in a while Clara was okay. She was able to get up and get all dressed up, she had a reason. It was getting late when James and Carlos showed up to pick up the two girls. The guys were awkward and shy. Clara and Lina were the exact opposite so it was weird at first. After they had put aside their nerves they all started and having fun. They made it to the bowling alley and got a lane. The guys started a game without Clara and Lina and it was very suspicious. "Lina I don't think he likes what he sees." "Clara just ask him." Clara walked over to James and asked if he was having a good time. "Yeah, I'm sorry if you want we can cancel this game." "No, it's okay I was just worried you didn't like...me." Clara looked down and didn't believe James with his poor effort to reassure her. She could feel something was wrong, but decided not to let it get her down as they continued. An hour went by and suddenly the lane stopped working. "James go get some help." Clara said and the boy listened. He walked to the front and Carlos followed. Lina and Clara sat and waited patiently. Ten minutes had gone by and a worker had informed the two girls to switch lanes. In the middle of switching lanes Lina realized the guys shoes were missing. Clara started calling and texting James. There was no answer so they walked around looking and found neither guy. They even checked the boys bathroom. Until finally, they went outside to check if the car was there. James and Carlos had snuck out leaving the girls stranded. So they grabbed their things and walked to a nearby McDonald's in the rain for dinner while they waited for Clara's brother. Again Clara was left with her feelings for Chris but felt as worthless as ever. Clara sunk so low she just wanted to die. The next day she told Chris what happened. "Did you cuss him out?!" "No, there was no point in it. I told him he was a jerk and I forgave him." "Why would you forgive him?!" "I did it for me not for him again there's no point in it." "Wow, you deserve someone as smart as you. You deserve to be happy!" It was funny to Clara how she deserved to be happy, but the only thing she wanted she couldn't have.

Note: hope you enjoyed this extra long chapter it felt like I was writing for hours lol.