Nothing but an outline.

Hypocrisy

It was obvious Clara couldn't control her emotions. She would go from happy to sad. From content to angry. She would lock herself away in her room because she didn't know how to act around people. Clara was scared that her mood would instantly change and that her family would fall victim to it. Clara didn't want to talk to anyone when she was having one of her "mood swings." She couldn't handle hurting anyone. She had a good heart, but her Emotions made her feel otherwise. When she was in one of her moods she would want to go off on the closest person to her. Unfortunately that person was usually Joey. Clara didn't want to yell at Joey so she would make an excuse to go. He didn't do anything wrong; He never did anything wrong, and she loved that about him. But she hated herself more and more everytime she wanted to yell at him for no reason, and when she would try to get away before she did it hurt him. She could feel the hurt through the words in his messages. Clara wanted to punish herself for not being better. She wanted to feel pain for making him feel pain. She wanted to cry and beat herself up. Clara hated making him hurt she hated herself for doing it to him. She was such a hypocrite always saying she would never hurt him and doing it anyway by trying to save him. She knew deep in her heart She didn't deserve Joey. He was better than she could ever be. She knew this and she knew he deserved someone who wasn't so broken, so depressing. Clara just wanted it to end. She just wanted to stop being so hurt all of the time. She wanted things to be okay, but she knew she was sabotaging herself. The sad part was she couldn't just not feel. How could Joey even deal with her? Clara felt like part of the reason he was sad sometimes and wished she could change. She wanted to be different and be happy, but she was locked deep in her mind. How was she ever going to get over how she felt? And the thing that scared her most is thinking after so much hurt Joey would leave. Or maybe he would find someone better. She would be happy for him, but God knows it would kill her.

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Clara's uncle had asked her to help him make Crepes. Of course it didn't go so well. It was like her grandma's house was cursed when it came to baking or anything related to baking. Clara and her cousin Heaven would usually try new recipes, but they would always fail. "Should we leave a bad review?" "Oh yeah! We did everything exactly as she said and we got mud." Clara remembered how her and Heaven would try and fail so many times before, and laughed when she realized the Crepes were failing too. "I swear Heath, it's like this kitchen is cursed. Here everything fails, but at home I'm a master in the kitchen." Heath didn't pay attention he only put the Crepes in the fridge. "Okay I'm going to go play on Roblox." Clara watched as Heath left the kitchen and suddenly a pile of dishes caught her eye. 'I always get stuck with clean-up.' Clara got out of her mind and decided to bend down and look under the sink for a sponge or something that resembled one. She only found an SOS pad. 'Eh I guess this will work.' She sat the SOS pad on the sink and went to the fridge to get her personal Crepe out. She walked to the living room and put her headphones on so noone would talk to her while she ate. As she bit into her Crepe her phone buzzed in her pocket. The message was from Joey "rock -_-" was all it said Joey had told Clara how he had tripped over a rock and Clara said she thought it was because he was so tall and he wasn't quite coordinated. As she stared down at her phone She moved her thumb to open the message, but stopped. Her body became tense and she started shaking. She closed her eyes and with her left hand gripped her jeans. Clara's heart raced and her head was spinning, so she turned the phone off. Clara became sick and didn't want her Crepe she instead put it in a plastic baggy. She walked to the sink after putting the baggy in the fridge and leaned against the sink. Slowly her head was clearing and she decided to message Joey back. Clara busied herself with the dishes until she felt her phone buzz again. When she took her phone out to open the message she became dizzy. 'Why am I so pissed off all of a sudden?! I can't reply or I'll end up hurting him! I CANT HURT HIM?! What if he thinks he is bothering me?' Clara closed her eyes and let her head hang. She thought for a moment and decided it would be best just to go. "Hey I'm going to go." She turned to face the sink when her phone buzzed in her hand. "Why??" "Emotions on the Fritz." With that she hoped Joey would be okay. "Am I annoying you?" Clara stared at the message and wanted to scream 'I SWEAR YOURE NOT ANNOYING ME PLEASE DONT THINK YOU ARE!!!!' Instead she attempted to explain how fucked up she really was, but she could tell she was unsuccessful. "Thanks for being honest, girl. I'll ttyl." Clara's heart broke, 'Oh God what did I do?? I'm such a idiot! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why cant I just be okay?' She tried to reassure Joey, but there was no answer. Clara put her phone away and looked up to see a razor blade sitting on the window seal. It was as if the universe was speaking to her. "You always mess things up, might as well quit while you're ahead." Clara began to turn away from the blade. "Don't be silly you're going to lose him you lose everyone you care for, so why would this be any different?" Clara felt sick again and grabbed her stomach she closed her eyes once more. She opened them and looked at the blade as she felt her fingers twitch. Suddenly, a new voice was in her head. '"Now, promise me you won't harm yourself anymore!" "I promise, Joey!"' Clara lifted her hand and grabbed the SOS pad to finish the dishes. Once they were done she disappeared into her dark room where she layed on the floor listening to music, until she drifted away into slumber.