Nothing but an outline.

Coming to terms

The year 2014 had been one of the best and worst years of Clara's life as it stands. The beginning of 2015 wasn't off to a great start neither. After so long of feeling so helpless Clara decided it was time. She knew that she couldn't change how she felt in just a minute and knew it would take time, but she was ready to try. The first thing Clara knew she could change was being broke. She was ready to live again She wanted to be happy like she used to be. Only this time She had delt with her past and present and this would make her happiness so real. It was hard for Clara to learn a lesson in all of this, but she did. The lesson was that as hard as it is to believe the truth was it only mattered how you felt about yourself and only you have the powers to change. Noone decides who you are only have an opinion of who you should be. Its up to one person to decide you're future and that's who is living in that life. From the outside looking in there isn't a full image. Only you can decide who you are or who you're going to be. After so much thinking, so much contemplating, and deciding Clara decided that she wanted to change. She wanted to wake up happy and not want to instantly regret waking up. She wanted to smile for no reason everyday because she could. She wanted to look around and see a world of color not the sad dull life She was currently in. Clara hadn't realized but she was already off to a good start. She may have lost her best friend of 15 years, but she wasn't alone. Lina had been trying to walk away for a while. Clara would hurt but she would forgive because that's all she knew how to do. She would say she was sorry because she always felt like everything was her fault. She felt like she deserved someone better than Lina. Clara deserved someone who would listen to how she felt too. Someone who would text out of the blue asking if she was having a good day, or if she needed to talk. Lina didn't do that she only made excuses for everything. Her new excuse was how she worked 24/7 and had no time to ask how Clara was, but could text Clara to complain how shitty her day was. After 15 years Lina still hadn't grew up. She was that same little girl from elementary picking fights and playing the victim. Clara would gladly come to her rescue without a second thought because that's what friends do they fight for eachother and no matter how busy or how pissed off they are they still find time to care. They don't blow off your feelings because they arnt finished talking about their lives. Friends don't criticize your weight, or look, or style. They don't question a guy for choosing you because the guy is hot and you're not. Friends are supportive, honest, and loyal. Lina wasn't a real friend and it hurt Clara even more knowing that she had spent so much time trying to save someone who didn't want to be saved. When Lina found out Clara had finally met someone who makes her smile and feel good about herself without wanting anything in return she tried to take that from Clara. She wanted Clara to herself She wanted her to stay stuck in a friendship that wasn't a friendship at all but a dictatorship. Lina didn't realize that she had completely ruined Clara. Clara couldn't even accept compliments without thinking it's another lie. When Joey would call Clara beautiful it hurt because she wanted to believe it so bad, but in her head she was picking things apart. She would find ways to not believe him just so she felt normal. Her normal was now her hell and it was tearing her down bit by bit. Clara had seen pictures of Joeys ex girlfriend and she was drop dead gorgeous. Clara knew she couldn't compare and there was no way he could be telling the truth by calling her beautiful. She knew he was just being a good friend, but she wished he would just tell her what she already knew. It would be less complicated that way.

***

Clara accepted the fact that she wasn't pretty. She accepted the fact that Lina didn't deserve her. And she accepted her past so she could look forward to a brighter future. Clara knew she wasn't alone she had Shane and Joey. Joey was her bestest friend and Shane was her best friend. She just had a more emotional relationship with Joey. It was time for Clara to stop feeling sorry for herself. She was tired of feeling so pathetic all the time. She knew she had a long road ahead before she could even say she was okay, but she was ready. Clara knew that she was holding herself back She still had doubts in herself but she wanted to work on it. It was time to be whole again and she knew what she had to do. As long as she didn't do it alone she knew in her heart that she would be okay.

Note: Don't let anyone take you for granted. There are always going to be people out there trying to drag you down with them, but trust me when I say it only matters what you think. If you think you are anything less that perfect than its you who needs to decide what's wrong and fix the problem before it's too late. Don't sink so low that you can't see the surface anymore. Take a stand, make amends, and heal!