Married Without Love

Chapter 23

I was sitting in a back booth at the Starbucks a block away from my office. Roman was sitting opposite me, nervously sipping on his coffee. All the time I had this wierd feeling that I was being watched.

"Hailey..." Roman started. "I know I have wronged you and there's nothing I can do to change that...but I..."

He trailed off. He nervously moved in his seat, struggling to find the right words. I said nothing and we sat in an awkward silence for a while.

"I regret what I did every single day. Tell me what I can do to earn your forgiveness," he said after a while.

"Nothing. There's nothing you can do now," I told him. He looked away in pain.

"I've closed that chapter, Roman. I've left it all behind me," I continued.

"I know. You've come a long way," he said. "But you wouldn't have had to if I hadn't messed up."

"But you did," I replied in a monotone voice.

"But I did," he sighed. "And I'll forever regret it. I keep thinking about what could have been. We could have been a family, with a home. And our children..."

My eyes widened. I always wondered if he blamed me for what happened. Till this day, I felt responsible for losing my baby. Did he think the same? He may have betrayed me, but it was still his child and did he hold me accountable for the miscarriage?

"Do you blame me for losing our baby?" I asked in a small voice, unable to meet his gaze.

"What, no!" He said. "How could I... It was not your fault Hailey. If anything, it was mine. Everything comes down to me being unfaithful."

When I heard him say that, it was like a weight had been lifted off my heart. Sure everyone had told me the same thing, but hearing it come from him was different. Maybe it was what I needed to hear from him all these years ago, to finally forgive myself.

"Hm..," I nodded his way. "But you can have that with Gina."

"I don't think so," he said. "I never seen her after that day."

My head shot up towards him. A lot of time after our break-up I spent wondering if he was happy with her, if she was better for him than I and all those stupid stuff. But I never thought that he would end it with her like that. Not that I cared obviously. I was done with them.

"I thought you loved her," I said simply, not showing any emotion.

"I never loved anyone other than you," he said and took my hand in his, but I pulled back. "Gina.. what happened was not love, it was a mistake. I realised that too late."

We spoke for a while. I realised that he truly regretted his mistake and his guilt was haunting him, holding him back from moving on in life. That's why he sought me out, so he could repent and find peace.

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After the meeting with Roman I was heading out of the Starbucks when my phone beeped with a message. I stopped walking to reach in my purse and retrieve my phone when someone bumped into me from the behind. I turned to apologise,

"I'm so sorry... Nathan?" I was stumped seeing him here.

"Oh... hey hi," he said nervously.

"What are you doing here?" I asked the obvious question.

"Oh just grabbing some coffee," he said but I thought he was lying. Lawyer's instinct.

"At a Starbucks so far away from your office?" I raised an eyebrow.