who i am - komahina

14

hajime's pov

here i am again.. his hands on my cheeks, stroking them softly. he's whispering sweet nothings at me while i simply relax in his arms.

he's resting his forehead against mine, and i cant help but feel absolute bliss. i feel him lean closer, until our lips are practically touching.

and then...

my alarm rings through my room as im woken up. away from the reality my dream had created. a reality i doubt will ever come true.

i brush it off. i've gotten these dreams before. im not even sure what they mean. they make me feel terrible. im with chiaki. chiaki is my girlfriend.

so why do i feel like my feelings faded...?

no thats nonsense. surely all couples go through something like this. its simply a moment of doubt, perfectly normal. and yet i still feel as though i should ask her...

does she feel the same? i don't want to hurt her feelings if she doesn't. but when was the last time we went on a date? just the two of us? maybe im being stupid. but do i really love chiaki?

of course i do.

.

i sit uncomfortably in class. my mind is everywhere but in the classroom. my thoughts are.. all over the place. from nagito's hair, to the usual soft expression on his face, his oddly beautiful hands... they look soft. probably nice to hold.

i shake my head. no no no. not nagito. chiaki.
chiaki's hair, her soft expression, her soft hands. thats what i was thinking of.

i stare at my notebook and can't help but think of nagito. again. he's the reason i slightly understand this material in the first place. of course. i just had to get tutored by nagito.

he was so soft to me. not once getting angry when i got something wrong. he simply smiled and fixed my mistake.

i cant stop thinking about him.

.

walking out of school, i pass by my friends. i have too much on my mind to stop beside them. they seem to notice. curse them for being good friends.

"hajime? are you alright?" peko.

i turn to her and smile. nodding, i wave my hand. "yes, im alright. just thinking."

she approaches me, leaving the rest our friends behind. "what are you thinking of?" she asks, eyes stuck on me.

"um. geometry class?" i internally panic at the question. i cant tell her what im thinking of. i hope she believes me.

but this is peko pekoyama we're talking about.

"no, you're not. something is on your mind. you don't have to tell me, but you can confide in me if you wish." she offers, now staring ahead.

"thank you. i, um, appreciate it... how are you?"

"i am well, i suppose." she answers simply, looking back at our friends as they talk.

"you suppose?" i ask, not wanting to bother her but still a bit concerned for her.

"i had a disagreement with mukuro. nothing major." i can tell she's distraught about it. and at that moment i realize peko usually cares for us, makes sure we're alright but... we rarely check on her.

i dont think thats quite fair.

"peko..."

"as i said, its nothing. back to you, though—" i cut her off, something i wouldn't usually do.

"no. lets hang out."

.

and here we are, on my couch, facing each other. consider this a venting session. she clearly needs someone.

"tell me about mukuro."

"you tell me whats on your mind first." she says firmly. staring right into my eyes. and at that moment i feel i can trust her with anything.

its about time i tell someone how i've been feeling. and im glad that someone is peko. trustworthy, distant yet kind, great listener peko.

noticing my expression, she speaks up. "hajime, you can trust me. i just want to make sure you're alright."

i sigh, my gaze lowering down at my lap as i play with my fingers. "i don't think i love chiaki anymore. romantically, of course- i.. i still cherish her as a friend and we're very close- i just-" i stop speaking when she raises a hand, as if telling me to stop.

"slow down. i understand but please remain calm. everything is alright." she says. i take a deep breath.

"peko i think — i think im in love with someone else."

—

KOMAHINA NATION. WE ARE MAKING PROGRESS. + peko x mukuro started out as a joke but bro... i dont think its a joke anymore 😰
[not proof read]