What I Really Am

Chapter 8 // part two.

A/N: I hope this isn't too bad, I don't really write smut so let's do this shit, because in the words of Gerard Way, it should be "easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, motherfucker."

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Ryan's POV

Brendon and I end up kissing on my bed. I grab his forearms, breaking the kiss, and he flinches away from my hands. What did I do to him? Fuck.

"Bren, what did I do?" He just rubs his wrist gently, afraid to hurt it.

"Nothing, babe," he whispers. He leans in and kisses me passionately. I flick my tongue at the bottom of his lip. His mouth opens and pretty soon we're full on making out, him propped up above me. He pulls away again, making his way down my neck to my collarbone. Brendon kisses it, nibbles it, I don't even know, but whatever he's doing feels fucking great. A small moan escapes my lips, and I tilt my head back. He takes this opportunity to move his hands from beside me to just under my shirt. He rubs my bony hips with the pad of his thumb and oh my God, I really fucking love this. His hands make their way up my shirt, and he stops kissing me to ask,

"Do you want this?" Yes. I really, really, REALLY do.

'YES!' I try even squeak. Nothing comes out. I not fervently and smile slightly. 

Now more than ever I REALLY hope Brendon knows what he's doing.

I sure as hell don't.

His hands find the hem of my v-neck and soon it's on the ground. He rubs his hand on my thigh before undoing the button to my jeans.

I don't even realize it until now, those jeans were really constricting me. I am so fucking hard. Something is pressed up against me, and I look down--

I guess Brendon is too.

Slowly, he unzips them and pulls them off, before I unzip his jacket. They join the pile of discarded clothes on the ground. He slips off his polo shirt and jeans.

We're down to just a thin layer of breezy cotton separating us.

This is really happening.

I don't know why, but I hesitate. "Bren?"

"Yeah?" he says, confused look on his face. "What's the matter? If you want to sto-"

"No, not that. Have, like, have you ever done... this before?" He blushes a little, then looks at me smiling just a little.

"No..." he hesitates

"I'm glad you are my first."

Oh. His first.

As in he's a virgin too.

This is getting even better.

That's fucking great. 

He kisses me, this time a little more lustfully as he sucks my lip in-between his. The kiss is all tongue and teeth bumping but we're too caught up in the ecstasy of the moment to even remotely care. Brendon kisses my Adam's apple and then looks at me.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah," I breathe. Sure as hell. I love him, he loves me.

It's plain and simple. Or so I thought.

"Top or bottom," he says. I don't know. Who does what? I'm not too up-to-date with my sex-ed, considering all I knew up until now is that it supposedly felt really good. REALLY good.

Oh, and that when a boy and girl had sex, that's how babies were made.

I didn't think about that. Um.