What I Really Am

Chapter 13

A/N:: This is dedicated to the lovely Meli and Emily! They found the 'Always' reference so yeah coolio.

Ryan finally fucking gets to not be a dog all day (maybe C;< )

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ryan's POV

Brendon knows Spence?

"Do you want to come with us, Ry?" Brendon kisses me again, and slips his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. 

I honestly don't know. My mother would probably be so glad to see her son again, for the first time in almost three years.

But I did kill myself. And she is the one who got me... in this predicament.

Not to mention I'm all beaten up. But I'm her son, and she would have to witness the ritual, so I guess she might as well be allowed to see me now.

"Y-yeah, I'll go... She has to see me sooner or later." He nods and lets out a breathy laugh.

"So, where exactly does Spencer live? Like what house number?" Kellin looks over at Brendon and Ryan getting up slowly.

"234." Brendon and I say at the same time.

"So that makes Ms.Ross's house 236, right?"

"Yeah."

------

We pull up at my mom's house and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be sick. She lives really close to the woods, so I have just enough strength to stay human around her house. When we get out the car, my whole body aches and I'm not in the best condition. Neither is Brendon. I look around, and everythign's the same... Except my basketball goal, which I never used, is gone from the driveway. And her car is different. On her back windshield is a small cross decal with my name under it. I shudder and Brendon looks where I did and his breath hitches slightly.

"Ry, I.." he whispers and squeezes my clammy hand. "You're here, she doesn't know that... You're alive. You're okay," I bury my face in his shoulder awkwardly as we walk up the steps. Kellin's going to knock on the door while we wait just out of sight, then when ready, we'll walk out. Together.

We stand there just outside the doorway, and listen to Kellin.

Knock, knock, knock.

 "He-hello?" A timid voice I would recognize anywhere.

My mom.

"Yeah, I'm Kellin. You're son is Ryan Ross, correct?"

"Yes... Why?"

"Well, Ms.Ross, he isn't exactly dead as you thought." There's an audible gasp.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... Your attempt to bring him to life worked, but not exactly how it should've."

"So he's a zombie?" She sounds confused.

"No! No, no, no. He's just.. He can only be human sometimes. When he goes certain places, he's a dog." The end sounds almost like a question.

"Oh...kay?" She sounds questioning. I decide I've had enough and tug at Brendon's arm. He stumbles out behind me, almost knocking me over.

"Ryan!?" Her eyes go huge and she covers her mouth, tears quickly forming in her eyes.

She looks so...broken. Her once sparkling eyes are dull, her hair lost its shine,she just seems like she's lost.

I never realized she cared so much. I didn't think I would effect her that much by dying. She lost the two people she loved most, my father, then me.