if i die tomorrow - permanent hiatus

anger

     I was kneeling at a respectful distance behind you as you stood, your proud head bowed, in front of your father, who was glowering down at you at the top floor of the Sanctum.

     I tried everything I could to ignore the conversation being catapulted back and forth between you and the King. Your hands were clenched into fists behind your back.

     "I am attempting everything." You were trying hard to keep the desperation out of your voice, to appear strong, tough, cold, as you always were. "Perhaps with time--"

     "Time is the one thing we don't have, Zelda." However cool you appeared, your father was cooler. "Everything you have told me in the past fifteen minutes was an excuse. You must work harder."

     Your hands clasped tighter as you tried to control your tone, to keep it under tight restraint. "But how, father? What am I doing so wrong that the Goddess simply refuses to see my dedication?"

     You cleared your thickening throat as your voice rose, your breathing harsh. 

     Your father sighed and waved his hands. "You are dismissed, Zelda. See to it that you do more to awaken your power. It is crucial."

     I could tell you were swallowing a flood of tears as you turned your back and swept away, and I stood and bowed, my movement clipped and brimming with barely held back anger. 

     You glared at me as I followed, but didn't say a word as you stormed up the stairs. The world outside of these silent walls was offensively cheerful, the sun shining brightly through the windows, lighting the waterways encircling the Castle flowing crisply along a fierce golden hue of mornings, and faith. The bustling world outside was living its life as you silently struggled, and I loathed everything about that world at the moment, my heart aching for your pain.

     It was none of my business anyway. You hated me as much as I hated your father. And yet, as a fellow human being, how could I stand by and watch you flounder with frosty indifference?

     I kept my mouth shut all the same. 

     What did I care anyway? I asked myself with some amount of irritation as I tailed you through the maze of a Castle. I had cut myself off from people a long time ago. I had built a spiky wall guarding my heart, grown thorns on my hand for anyone that dared to hold it. What did I care of one girl, especially a girl who treated me like a human punchbag?

     At the door of your room, you turned back to me, scowling.

     "I hope you're satisfied." You snapped, your nose in the air.

     I was silent.

     "I hope you're enjoying this... this humiliation. That you are liking watching me flop around." Behind the rage in your eyes, I could see something barely readable, so deeply guarded that you had almost convinced yourself that it wasn't there.

     I kept my head down, waiting with quite a bit of resignation for you to yell yourself out.

     "You think you're so superior." You continued, unleashing your pent-up frustration at the world on me. "You think you're so great just because of that sword on your back. Of course you won't understand the struggles of mere mortals."

      You drew a breath. "I don't want your pity. I don't want your sympathy. Just think of this entire freak show as a circus, and I'm the clown. Fitting, isn't it?"

      Suddenly I had to bite back the words rising like bile in my throat. Suddenly I wanted to yell back.

     You knew nothing. You knew nothing of the flickering candle that had blown out that night. You knew nothing of the numb cold of silence, the ringing in my ears. You knew nothing of the feeling of blood sticky on your hands, nothing of the feeling of a blade tearing through a pulsing, beating, heart, stilling it forever. You knew nothing of the empty pill bottle, slowly arcing from a cold, limp hand.

     You knew nothing of my life, and yet you think you do, you assume you do.

     As much as I would have liked to say these words, to let the cork of the bottle holding down the accumulating pressure brewing inside fall away, to let the tears I had collected over the weeks and months and years escape my crumbling body.

     As much as it would have given me the painful relief I so feared and so desired, I only kept on biting my lip hard enough to draw blood.

     Even you seemed to realize that you had crossed a line. You huffed and whirled around, slamming the door to your room behind you. I stood there for a moment, trying to get my rampant emotions chained again.

     My heart was beating too fast. I turned away, trying to ignore the muffled sobbing coming from the other side of the door.

A/N: So this story reached 200 views. And I have gotten to 20 followers.

Wow. I know that this probably is pathetically small for some people, but for me, this is amazing! Thank you all so much for supporting me all the long way to here, my beautiful people. I am more grateful than words can say <3

Well, I am BACK at crazy poetic (ish) metaphors, super descriptive plotless writing, and vague hints that will make people lose their minds. I am actually liking this shorter-chapter style more than breaking thousand words per chapter for some reason.

Okay, okay, imma stop ranting. Love you all, thanks for 200 views and 20 followers, and peace out!