if i die tomorrow - permanent hiatus

journey

     I was left alone with my frenzy of thoughts as Epona and I stepped deeper and deeper into the forest. My hands were knotted in her mane as she trotted gingerly through the interlocking branches. 

     Splashes of golden sun hit my face, reach down through the rustling leaves and sliding through the starry gaps of blue through the tangled branches to caress my cold, starving skin. I took a deep breath, feeling my spirit finally settle for the first time in weeks.

     Hateno Village was on the other side of this forest. My heart jumped into my throat.

     What if I walked into nothing but ruins and rotting bodies and fires? 

     The forest was quiet, beside the noises of life flourishing within its depths. Epona's hooves sank into the damp soil of the trodden road cleaving through the woods.

     Fresh air swirled around me, enveloping my body, clearing my cluttered mind.

     The trees thinned out and I cringed back, terrified of what I could find over this grassy hill.

     Pulling together my scattered resolve, I nudged Epona up the hill and looked upon Hateno Village.

     My breath stilled in shock, disbelief, horror.

     ...No way. 

     Hateno Village was a town of colours, of life, of planting seeds and watching them uncurl towards the sun. 

     The Hyrulean flag still bravely waving in the light breeze was torn, charred, nothing but a blackened bit of once-grand rags, over the head of the chaos in its shadow. 

     The houses dotting the lively little village were torn down brick by brick, burnt rubble littering the once well-kept grass. The wooden frames that had once proudly held houses tall were now crumpled, broken, nothing but ashes.

     The smell of blood splattered, crimson over the emerald grass on the unkempt lawns, rose into the smoky air and I coughed, my chest constricting until I couldn't breathe, breathe, breathe. 

     I was too late. Once again.

     Holding onto Epona's reins with shaking hands I walked through the debris, closing my eyes and slowly letting my feet traverse the path that I had walked so many times before that it was forever ingrained into my mind. 

     If I focused, I could hear them. The children shrieking as they played. The elders peacefully chatting with each other, telling their stories. The adults laughing as they talked about their day, taking their children in their arms. If I focused hard enough, maybe I could forget about destruction, death, despair in the face of ultimate demise. 

     And then suddenly their voices twisted, higher and higher, louder and louder with each step.

     You dare show your face here.

     You remember us now?

     Or have you never cared?

     A dull, pounding headache started pulsing in my skull. My knuckles were shining white on Epona's leather reins, cutting into my skin.

     The so-called Hero.

     You can't even save the people that you had once loved. Or have you loved them, really?

     Now look at us.

     Dead, forgotten, lost. 

     My hand slipped off Epona's reins and my knees crumpled, me desperately pressing the heels of my hands into my searing temples, fighting down a raw scream. It was as though a white-hot band had been wrapped around my forehead and it was tightening, tightening, ruthlessly .