A Little More Selfish (Itafushi Fanfic)

17. crimson waters

A/N: HELLO, before you read the following chapter, this chapter and chapter 18 are a double update and tie directly to the previous chapter as they're switched to Yuji's POV so they're both technically a retelling of chapter 16. Therefore, I advise re-reading chapter 16 to remind yourself of the story until now. Also, a lot of key plot points are revealed in the next chapter with the style changing with different POVs. The next chapter has a flashback scene that is marked with italics completely, otherwise all text in italics is the characters' own thoughts. With that in mind, I hope you enjoy this update!
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The first thing that stirred him awake was the overwhelming heat, enveloping his insides enough to break a sweat, bubbling quickly to the surface like a fever.

Yet, it didn't make sense, it was mid-October and Yuji rarely ever slept with more than a light blanket to comfort him, barely donning a t-shirt to bed most nights as he always ran warm and nowadays relied on Megumi to provide the extra warmth.

This sensation was familiar but still smothering in his sleep-induced daze and in his discomfort it was difficult to place it. All he knew was he needed to get it out and off and away from himself. He didn't notice his thrashing until he felt his skin making contact with something starkly cooler.

There we go.

It took all his effort to edge his body closer but now that he made contact with a cool, he could hardly resist the pull and the encouragement of the voice inside of his brain screaming at him to absorb the source and soothe the burning sensation.

His hand fumbled blindly in the dark until he landed on the smooth surface, instantly melting into the touch, the relief almost overwhelming. Inside, it felt like pure satisfaction, the raging voice inside of him growling in victory. On the outside, it felt like he we submerging, slowly dipping his scorching hand under a cool surface of water and finally finding relief. The deeper he submerged, the more satisfying it felt as the voice grew distant, echoing through him and rippling into the water.

Unfortunately, as quickly as the relief came, it passed, the water stilling for a moment, only to suddenly redden to a deep crimson hue and boil up, heating up so quickly and unbearably that Yuji barely mustered enough lucidity to retract his hand fast enough to prevent more burns. The sea of relief Yuji sought out was now unwelcome and that alarming panic was enough to wake him up completely, startling him into sitting, drenched in cold sweat.

He realised that he must have been crying because when he wiped a hand down his face, he noticed the new wetness damping and sticking his eyelashes together.

But it was fine, he was fine.

He instinctively reached out for the body next to him, he was awake but only Megumi's presence was enough to ground him.

The scream caused his body to reflexively jerk away, blinking at his boyfriend to focus on the source of the sound, only to alarmingly realise... That Megumi was shaking and shivering.

"M.. Megumi? What happened?

"Megumi...? Did I hit you? I'm so sorry, did I hurt you? What happened?

Please, I'm so... Are you awake?"

All the alarms in Yuji's mind were going off. He tried to touch, comfort, question his boyfriend but Megumi didn't respond, curled in on himself, drenched in cold sweat, reminiscent of so many nights when Yuji had shaken him awake from his nightmares.

"... Megumi is this another nightmare?"

Yuji tried, he believed the nightmares had gotten better, the last one being over two weeks ago. They weren't gone, Yuji hated to admit that they may never be completely gone... But it was still progress.

"This is all because of me... I'm so sorry.

Sometimes I think that... You'd had been so much better off not saving me."

Yuji whispered wistfully, more to himself as he carefully stroked Megumi's hair away from his forehead, blowing cool air in hopes of cooling him down.

It must have helped because in that moment, Megumi stirred, his long eyelashes, damp from tears, fluttering to life.

"Yu...ji? Wha- why are you...?"

Yuji's heart clenched, and he quickly wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, shushing him back to sleep.

"Shh... it's okay baby, I'm here, you had a bad dream, you're okay now."

"Mmm... I'm sweaty and so... tired.."

Megumi mumbled, squirming in his spot.

"I know, I'll clean you up okay? Just... try and get more sleep." Yuji offered, standing up to dampen the towel next to him to wipe Megumi's face and neck.

"Mhm... 'mkay."

Megumi mumbled, already drifting back to asleep as Yuji walked off.

He needed a moment. So many things whirling around in his mind, blurring his thoughts from self-crippling guilt to protectiveness with the still present fear and confusion over his disturbing dream.

Could this be Sukuna playing mind games with him? It wouldn't be the first time he's tried to take advantage of his unconsciousness to mess with his subconscious.

They tested it out, so many nights with Gojo when Yuji was in hiding, testing out the extent of Sukuna's hold of him as much as they could before Yuji was allowed to return to his friends safely. To return to Megumi without the fear of endangering him.

But he always would, huh?

I really need to get my shit together, me being scared is not going to help Megumi.

He needed to speak to Gojo, one of the first things the sensei taught him was to not take 'dreams' lightly. After all, they are a form of energy and so much of humanity's cursed energy is most prominent and drawn from their dreaming-state, when there are no boundaries on the brain and it's free to let itself venture and roam into the deepest and darkest depths of our minds.

After quickly washing himself off, Yuji returned to clean up Megumi and make sure he's peaceful and comfortable, but Yuji was now too awake and restless to join him.

[05.25 AM]

"Hey, sorry I know it's super late but I kind of have a potential Sukuna problem, would you have time to meet today?"

Yuji felt a little bad about potentially waking his guardian up, but he did say that he could text him whenever, especially if it was Sukuna-related so...

[05.25 KING GOJO‼️]

"Where are you? Come to training room 3 and we can talk, I can be there in 10."

Guess the guy really never sleeps.

He locked the door on his way up, he was sure he'd be back before breakfast but... well, one can never be too careful, right?

Huh. I'm starting to think like Megumi... He really is a good influence.

Yuji smiled to himself as he made his way over to meet Gojo. He was lucky to have him, so he needed to do this for Megumi, he wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt him.

Especially not himself.