The A-Z Of Sex (Complete)

I Should Be Having The Best Sex Of My Life

I'm looking up at Tyler, my boyfriend of 9 months and although I can see his mouth moving and hear his words it's as though I'm watching someone else's life, someone who is being broken up with in the most brutal way possible and I want to reach out to them and hug them and tell them it will be okay and they don't deserve it but suddenly I'm aware that it isn't someone else, it's me

He tells me he's sorry that it just isn't working

"It was working last night when we had sex in your bed" I argue back and within seconds I will come to regret ever uttering those words

"That's half of the problem though Mila, no, two thirds of the problem, the sex it's just... it's just not doing it for me"

Excuse me, what?!

I feel my entire face crumple in confusion and I'm sure I look like a cartoon character right now but I can't help it.

Last night when he was on top of me he couldn't stop telling me how hot I was and how good it was and how he'd never had better but now, less than 24 hours later 'it's just not doing it for him'???

"That's not what you were saying last night!"

"I was trying to encourage you, boost your confidence, hoping to somehow get a decent performance out of you for once"

What the actual...

"I can't live like this Mila, I'm nearly 20 years old, I should be having the best sex of my life not settling for..." he shrugs and I'm sort of thankful that he didn't finish that sentence because any ego or self confidence I had has pretty much evaporated with his words

"Tyler this is insane, you were happy, we were happy"

"Come on Camila don't make a scene" he looks around the empty park we are sitting in as though I'm embarrassing him when I'm the one that has just been completely and utterly humiliated

"9 months we've been together, you are the one that wanted to have sex in the first place, you are the one that said it would make us closer, make us stronger!!"

"Yeah well I didn't realise then how bad you would be at it. Look, Camila, you're hot, you dance hot, you move hot, you can't blame me for thinking the sex would be hot, but it's like fucking a stuffed animal. A stuffed animal that that just lies there looking up at you with a weird look on its face, it's off putting, it kills the boner every time"

My face is blazing red, I can feel it, humiliated by his words, heartbroken that what I thought was something special and precious between the two of us was actually something I was being graded on and judged on

"I'm sorry" it's all I can say as my throat tightens around the words

"It's okay, don't worry, we tried, it didn't work but If it makes it easier for you then we can still be friends"

Friends?!

"No" I gulp out before the tears begin

"Okay, Just please don't hate me, I'm just trying to be honest with you, so you can be better for your next boyfriend"

My next boyfriend?!

I had thought Tyler was it for me. I planned our wedding, named our kids, wrote my name Camila Cabello-Woods in love hearts all over my college text books

"Tyler..."

"Don't cry"

I touch my eyes, I'm not crying, in fact I don't even feel like crying anymore, I feel like shouting and screaming and punching and kicking

"Have a nice life Tyler" I push up from the dark wooden bench and begin walking

"Im sorry Mila, I didn't mean to hurt you!"

I ignore him, blank my mind to his words and just keep walking

******************

"Mila!!!" I try to lift my head, to stop crying but I just can't, my heart is broken my body feels broken and abused, my mind is being pummelled by Tyler's words so I keep my head on the wooden table of the college cafeteria.

My best friend Aaliyah Mendes strokes my back and my hair and promises everything will be okay, that I'm better off without Tyler but I can't bring myself to believe her, we were happy... up until last night we were so happy.

I replay the night in my mind, trying to see where I went wrong where I lay like a stuffed animal when he wanted me to react. I was sure I had moved my body; moaned when I felt it... it obviously wasn't enough, wasn't good and that makes me want to cry harder with humiliation

"Honey he's a jerk"

"We were happy Liyah"

"I know but he's a dick, he doesn't know the gold he had" she strokes my cheek whilst looking at me with so much sympathy I almost want to slap the look off of her face but she's my friend, she knows me, loves me

"He said I was shit at sex. Liyah that's so embarrassing, I tried so hard! I wanted to be so good for him!"

She wraps her arms tighter around me

"Mila, you are beautiful, you are hot, there's no way sex with you was anything less than amazing"

"Ask Tyler, I think he would disagree"

"Tyler is an ass" she sits up and gazes at me whilst holding my face tightly in her hands

"I feel like I need a teacher, someone to tell me where I went wrong and how I could do better"

"Mila it wasn't you it was him"

I shake my head, so convinced that she isn't being truthful. I gave myself to Tyler when I wasn't sure I wanted to, bent and moved to every demand he gave and yet it wasn't enough...

My eyes burn at the realisation that I am never enough, I'm always the girl that deserves criticism, always the girl that is the punchline in the joke

"What you need is a guy like my brother"

I wipe my eyes and look at her in confusion

"He's a whore, there's nothing about sex he doesn't know or practise, I'm sure he could teach you how to fuck" she laughs and I pick up my coffee mug with a shaky hand

"As if he would waste his time on someone like me"

"Are you female? Do you have a pulse?" Aaliyah then bursts out laughing before sipping at her drink "You and my brother would hate each other, like hate each other"

" I hate him already" I confirm whilst a wild idea begins to burn like wildfire in my brain

"Keep away from him, if you think Tyler is a dick, Shawn is a dick that is ten times bigger"

"A bigger dick?" I ask "wouldn't be hard"

*okay, my version of a sex lessons book, please comment and vote I'm trying to do it very differently to the sex lesson books I have read but I will post the link to them because they are sooooo good