The A-Z Of Sex (Complete)

The Lessons And The Games

Silent

That's the only word I can use to describe today accurately

Silent...

Shawn has barely mumbled two words to me since last night

We fell asleep in silence, woke up in silence, dressed in silence, ate breakfast in silence and now we're walking through Central Park in silence whilst he holds my hand tight and frowns every time my phone beeps.

It's weird, it's eerily quiet even though we're surrounded by hundreds of people like we're the only two people making a sound as our footsteps fall and we let out the occasional sigh

Ten minutes ago Shawn stopped and bought me a hotdog without ever asking if I wanted one or how I liked it and about 5 minutes ago he stopped and bought me a coffee, again without saying a word.

So here we are, basically doing everything you would do on the most romantic of dates but without ever saying a word to each other and it's beginning to freak me out

"Should we talk?" I finally build up the courage to ask but he simply shakes his head and grips my hand tighter as we continue to weave our way through the sea of walkers, joggers and lovers...

"You didn't go to your seminar..."

"It doesn't matter"

Three words he utters and those three words feel like a victory, I got him to speak! After hours of him saying nothing. I open my mouth to respond but once again my phone beeps and he looks at me as though he wants to rip it from my hands and launch it into outer space

"Who the fuck keeps calling and texting you?"

"It's no one"

"Does your phone have Tourette's? It just keeps beeping all by itself?"

"No!"

"So?" He doesn't let go of my hand but he gazes down at me with an intensity that makes me shrink under it

"It's Ben" his forehead crinkles like he has no idea what I'm talking about "my lunch date"

"Is he crying because you cancelled?" He seems to laugh a little as he pulls me into a walk again

"No I um... I never actually got round to cancelling" I say the words quietly, unsure of his reaction. Sure up until 10 seconds ago that he wouldn't care but now pretty sure that he does

Last night was amazing, it was intense in the most pleasurable ways but it was so unlike the Shawn I knew that I wasn't sure what he was saying in the heat of the moment and what was his truth

During sex he has the ability to turn possessive but last night it was to the extreme, demanding I cancel my date and threatening to hurt him if he touched me.

Shawn has assured me on multiple occasions that we are just an agreement, he doesn't date his sisters friends so I assumed what he said, he didn't mean but from the look on his face right now I'm beginning to doubt my assumption

"Explain" he demands in one word and I move from foot to foot uneasily, unsure of what to actually say to him

"Well you told me to cancel it during sex... I wasn't sure if you meant it or if it was just said in the heat of the moment"

"Do I strike you as the type of guy that says things he doesn't mean?"

"Um... no" I chew the inside of my mouth as he finally releases my hand and we stand there in the middle of Central Park in the a stand off I'm sure every single person in the park with us can feel the intensity of

"So I repeat Camila... explain"

I gulp and look around for a distraction but there's nothing

"It's just food"

"I bought you food already"

The hotdog...

"Okay well a drink then"

"Bought you that too"

The coffee...

"Shawn..."

"Camila..."

He glares at me whilst tapping his foot and I start to feel a little annoyed by his behaviour, he gets pissed when I agree to a date but takes every opportunity to tell me that we will never date

"What's going on?!"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't go on a friendly lunch date without you losing your mind yet you won't take me on a date because I'm 'your sisters friend'"

He shakes his head and begins to walk away

"Don't walk away from me, talk to me!"

"And say what exactly?" He spins around and the look on his face makes me regret ever starting this conversation "don't go on the date? I said that to you and you ignored me"

"Tell me why you don't want me to go. I just don't get it"

"For fuck sake Camila!"

"Don't speak to me like I'm stupid"

"Well don't act like you're stupid!"

I gasp at his words, the sentence hurting me way more than he probably intended it to but in that moment I feel tired of all of this, the lessons, the games the words that he says not matching his actions

"You're a dick, do you know that?" My voice is small and weighed down with fatigue "You say one thing then act like you mean another, you get jealous and possessive but then tell me that you don't want me for real, will never want me for real. You are supposed to be teaching me how to date and be a good girlfriend but I make a date and you demand I break it! What the fuck do you want from me Shawn?!"

He says nothing, as has been his way today, he simply sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and continues to stare me down

"Exactly! You want nothing from me. Nothing other than my body so please! Stop fucking with my head" I turn, determined not to let him see me cry, emotions swirling in my head like a whirlwind making it hard to think as I start to move back in the direction of our hotel

"Where are you going?!" He finally calls after me

"I have a date to get ready for" I reply as I disappear into the crowd, wiping at my eyes and determined to leave Shawn, the lessons and the games far behind

*comment and vote?