𝘿𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 ll 𝙔𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙅𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙬𝙤𝙣 ✔️

𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆-𝗼𝗻𝗲

“and then we move out and i met you.”

kahit na puno ng luha ang mga mata niya, nagawa niya pa din akong ngitian na parang sinasabi niyang nagpapasalamat siya.

ang puso ko ay ayaw kumalma. habang nakikinig sa kwento niya ay wala akong ibang gustong gawin kundi kabigin siya palapit sakin at yakapin saka sabihin magiging maayos din ang lahat.

hindi ko alam na ganito ang pinag-dadaanan niya. part of me was glad that she was able to trust me and tell me everything but the bigger part of me feels bad and regretful. she's crying... and that's because of me.

“i also met kelly, your sister. akala ko tuluyan na akong makakatakas sa bangungot na yon pero hindi pa din pala. patuloy pa din akong sinusundan nito. destiny must have been having fun playing with my life.” she bitterly said. “but i don't regret meeting your sister. not even a bit. akala ko ay kapag napalapit kami sa isa't-isa ay mas lalo lang bibigat ang pakiramdam ko dahil bukod sa magka-pangalan sila ni kelly na kapatid ni arc ay magkapareho pa sila ng ugali. pero hindi, pagkatapos ng ilang buwan na pagkulong ko sa sarili, kapag hinahatak ako ni kelly papunta sa inyo at mag-movie marathon para akong nakakalaya ng panandalian sa presong ginawa ko para sasarili ko. with her i feel so free.”

“hehe, you must be got confused when you heard her name through alek's mouth.” biro niya pero hindi naman ako natawa.

“i—i'm—” i'm lost of words.

“you don't have to be sorry. come on. you did nothing, i chose to say all of those to you.”

kinagat ko ang pang-ilalim na labi. “is that... is that why you always want to talk to me at night?”

mahina siyang tumango at pinunasan ang luha. lumapit siya at hinawakan ako sa parehong pisngi. “i'm sorry if i keep disturbing you when you were busy. i'm just... lonely. i need someone to talk to unless i'm just gonna cry all night. there's no day i woke up with a bad dream. dream about salic. dream about his death. because eventhough i never actually saw his last moments, i dreamed about them every night.”

naramdaman ko ang pamumuo ng luha sa mata ko. “why didn't you tell me that sooner? i shouldn't have said those mean words to you—”

mahina siyang natawa. “that would be weird for me. i love your personality. you're like a magnet, you keep attracting me to get closer to you.” sinserong aniya.

hinawakan ko ang parehong kamay niya at hinalikan yon. “i'm sorry you have to go through a lot. but i just want to say to you that, it's not your fault.” otomatikong nawala ang ngiti niya.

pinunasan ko agad ang tumulong luha niya sa pisngi. “stop crying, please. i know hindi ako ang unang tao na nagsabi sayong hindi mo kasalanan ang pagkamatay ng boyfriend mo but i really mean it. hindi mo ginusto na ma-aksidente siya. it's not you're fault he's drunk. siya ang gumusto non.”

“but i am the reason why...” yumuko siya at pinaglaruan ang mga daliri. para siyang batang hindi pinayagang maglaro sa labas ng magulang. “and i ran away from him... from them.

“you're just hurt, sienna. that's why you left and gave your self time to get yourself together.”

“pero hindi dapat ako umalis. dapat hinarap ko ang problema naming dalawa ng maayos. i ran away like a coward. i'm so selfish.”

“sienna, listen. self-love is not selfish, you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself, remember that. you just gave yourself a time to love yourself more. ikaw na mismo ang nagsabi, binigay mo ang lahat sa kaniya pero naubos ka lang. there's nothing wrong kung gusto mo namang bigyan ng pagkakataon ang sarili mong makabawi at umahon.”

“arc must be disappointed on you right now.” agad siyang nag-angat ng tingin sakin.

nakaramdam ako ng pagbara ng kung ano sa lalamunan ko.

i feel so hurt for her.

no one knew about her pain. not me, not even her closest friends... since she was always smiling.

how could this small body of her experienced all of that shits?

how could this small fragile woman infront of me managed to bear all of that herself?

if only i met her sooner... if only i knew about these sooner...

i wish i could protect her from everything.

i wish i could protect her from the very beginning.

“malamang hanggang ngayon hindi pa din natatahimik ang kaluluwa niya dahil sa estado mo ngayon. sienna, no one's blaming you, sure that his fucker step-dad was being a fucker to you but you shouldn't listen to him because you know yourself more. come on, believe in your self a little more.”

“huwag mong sarilihin ang lahat dahil hindi mo yun kakayanin. rely on people around you. widen your eyes more. and love your self more. be selfish for atleast once. i'm sure that that was the words that arc wants to say to you. do you even know how miserable you look right now?”

parang bata siyang umiling.

“you can't just mourn on his death forever. kahit na sisihin mo pa ang sarili mo hindi pa din non mababalik ang buhay niya. he's dead, hindi na mababago yun.”

nanginginig ang labing nakatingin lang siya sakin. ang mga mata niya ay puno ng pighati at sakit na kailanman ay hindi ko na gugustuhin pang makita ulit.

malamang ay nasaktan siya sa mga salitang binitawan ko pero ang mga sinabi ko naman ay totoo. that should be an eye opener for her.

kinabig ko siya at mabilis na yakap. sinuklay ko ang mahaba niyang buhok at hinayaan siyang humagulgol sa balikat ko.

“you spent a long time living for him, blaming yourself for his death... but please, this time, choose your self.”

sunod-sunod naman siyang tumango pero hindi nagsalita.

“good girl. you've been brave. thanks for telling me all of that.” i kissed her temple. “and see? even after you say all of those to me, i didn't feel any hate towards you. not even a bit.”

“i'm so glad i have you.” bulong niya sa pagitan ng mga hikbi.

hinigpitan ko lalo ang pagyakap sa kaniya. “in order to achieve the happiness you've been striving for, is being selfish or not still important?” malamang ay pamilyar sa kaniya ang mga katagang yon kaya humiwalay siya sa yakap at tinignan ako. “that was the question you asked me before that i didn't get to answer.”

hindi siya nagsalita.

“and let me tell you that, it's not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority. it's necessary. be selfish enough to choose what would be the best for you.”

“being selfish or not is not important to find happiness. whats important is you.”