trigger warnings: repetition, mental deterioration (?), depression, dissociative amnesia, counseling/therapy, panic attacks
--
I feel like I'm falling apart
Deteriorating
I want to laugh
I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to die
I finish a book
(I hadn't read in weeks-)
I listen to a new album
(Silence is too much-)
I drown myself in stories
(Anything to distract myself-)
I give names to states
There's multiple me's
Am I crazy or am I DID?
I want to scream
I want to cry
What happened that day?
What happened last night?
My memories are fragmented
My thoughts are half there
Reacquainted with an old friend-
New yet so familiar
I can't focus in class
My teachers are worried
Michael answered a question-
Hoarse voice low and pained
Our mutual panic attack
We just want some quiet
My head is foggy
I'm always blinking
Switching- head jerking-
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts
Seven hours of sleep every night
Acting awake in the morning
I've got a lot of practice*
It's where I flew to see you for the first time
I can't remember my dreams
Do I even dream at all?
The ache in my back is permanent
Hunched over all day
Awake all night
My counselor tells me that I'll be fine
The catch in my neck doesn't go for long
One name and I scream
I can't do this for long
Please be quiet
Please talk to me
I want a friend
I want you to leave
— Awsten, Dyllan, Mikey, & Chaz.
--
* apparently Wattpad mobile doesn't have strikethrough?? I might try to do it on PC later.
edit: it appears Wattpad just doesn't have strikethrough period.
