trigger warnings: panic attacks, depressive apathy, dissociative amnesia, executive dysfunction, sensory overload, death, intrusive thoughts, trauma, insomnia
--
sometimes we just sit here
just try to think
or try not to think
panic threatens to overtake
but we don't have a care
sing a song about emotion
shut them out in myself
self-doubt and confidence
locked behind the same door
sometimes we can't remember
the things we mean to remember
sometimes we only remember
the things we mean to forget
identity doesn't matter in the scheme of things
love doesn't matter in the scheme of things
we want to make a difference
but we can't get out of bed
waning and waxing
waxing and waning
watch the moon
mimic its pattern
wish you understood
everything it means
the world should be quiet
it hurts my ears
but every moment of quiet
is interrupted too soon
incoherent thoughts
can't sleep, can't dream
everything overlaps
all roads lead to Rome
"nothing matters
everything matters"
an eternal paradox
shut myself away
but mentally wander away
love someone
be loved by someone
but there are barriers
I want to talk to her
but our paths don't cross again
cut my hair
but I like it long
grow it out
but I want it short
muted colors
bright lights
life is too short
but death is too long
life is too long
but death is too short
patterns and repetition
the days stretch on eternally
time passes in a blink
images become hard to block out
all the things we regret
all the things we've seen
but we insist to ourselves
that we're well-off
so many are worse
it doesn't really matter
they come first
rambling, trying to make sentences
pulling colors from the air
images from the sky
words from the walls
threadbare
let it all collapse
bury me underneath it
get us some much-needed sleep
— Noah & Persephone.
